the ones who got away

i miss doing these.

i miss those quiet days and nights in the kitchen. engrossed in the work. yes, i was that serious. i took baking and cookie decorating verrry seriously. 

she was a very engaging mistress. and there was actually a mad moment when i had wanted to run away with her. make her my "wife". 

but then... sigh. the legal wife got a whiff of what i'd been up to. started putting the pressure on me. 

then the mistress got demanding, too. and it came to a point when i had to choose. 

i was a coward. i couldn't fight for what i desired. di ko sya kayang ipaglaban, kasi natatakot akong iwan yung "asawa" ko. maybe i could've made the gamble. but at that point it was too big a gamble. i'm a breadwinner to my parents. i'm sponsoring my brother in college. i still have financial goals. wanting our own house and lot. aiming for millions. many, many goals still. 

of course, there's that possibility that someday this could become a lucrative business. but it might take years before we could break even and start profiting. i couldn't risk that. not until brother is out of frickin' college. mabilis na lang gastusin ang pera ngayon. you can never save enough. 

besides, the "wife" has been so good to me. she has taken care of me for the past 5 years. i lost my "virginity" in the industry to her. in many ways, i grew up with her. ang ganda pa ng pangalan nya. kaya kahit anong akit sa akin ng "kabit" ko...ang hirap i-ignore ng mga factors na yon. kung magbabalak kang hiwalayan ang "asawang" ganon... it will have to be really worth it. prize catch sya sa mata ng marami. and once upon a time, i too, had only dreamed of her. she was a dream come true. just like how this mistress became to me.  

so i had to break up with the kabit.  as in, sever all ties. kasi alam ko, kapag half-half ako, madadarang na naman ako. it's either i love you, or i don't. 

well. it was fun while it lasted.  and we had many "children". 

at narealize ko rin, mas mahal ko ang misis ko. i belong with her. this is what i'm meant to do, for the next few or many years. i think. 

but who knows. maybe someday. babalikan kita. pwede siguro ngayon, pafling fling. pero hindi na negosyo. i'll bake for family. i'll bake for friends. pero not for money. 

ibibigay na yun sa akin ng wifey ko. sabi ng wifey ko, just be good to me. give me what i need. work hard on it. you won't have to worry about money. haha. #sugarmommy

hay, the kitchen. my second home. someday, babalikan kita.  like the shooting set. babalikan ko kayo someday. 

for now, back to the phosphorus screen. deadline to meet baby! bring it on, wifey!