thorns and feathers

week 5, in. late again. :-(

another thorn pulled out. another feather on this slowpoke's cap. yes, i'm an optimist. every script week that i survive, i consider a personal achievement. kasi ngayon lang ako nakaranas maging mag-isa at solely responsible tulad nito.

hindi ko alam kung ilang feathers/thorns pa ang mahuhugot/masusulot ko. bibilis pa kaya ako? i will it. i will it. i will it. is speed of thought proportional to mental intelligence? so does this mean medyo bobo ako? haha.

focus actually. focus. discipline. yun ang nagdedelay sa akin. that feeling of discomfort, of being stuck in a difficult mental hurdle, i try to avoid as much as i can. so i candycrush muna. i eat muna. or play with my cat. or with my babygirl. or with my bigbrownosobear. or i write here.

discipline. focus. i will have it by week 6. walang choice. ikukulong na ako para masigurong hindi ma-late. i kinda like it. kasi sa totoo lang ... hindi ako makatanggi sa anak ko pag naglulupasay na sya at umiiyak ng "Mama....Mama ko..." (heartwrenching :-()   at pag nasa bahay ka, meron at meron pa ring iistorbo sa yo.

discipline. focus.  SPEED! you will be mine by week 6. MINE!

you know that feeling. one of the worst feelings when you write, and you finish something that you don't like. horrible feeling.  hindi ko alam kung anong mas horrible ang feeling, that or when you have finished something you think ain't so bad... and then feedback meeting comes, it gets bashed to pieces. yes, that hurt more. way more. it happened to me once. he broke my heart. napabili ako ng phone nang di oras, just to make me feel better.

the boss broke my heart, but repaired it again. with band aids and pins, two weeks later. he gave me this gift. i hope i can do this gift justice. til the very airing end.

another week to begin tomorrow. :-) help me lord.

hello august... !

just finished paspasin a madaliang 1-day script for taping tomorrow. stress. sumakit ang bagang ko. sakit sa dibdib magpasa ng alam mong di mo pinulido. naiinggit ka bigla sa mga katrabaho mong nakapanood ng c1nem@laya field trip today at nilibre pa ng bossing ng late dinner.

13 weeks kami. 5 scripts down. 8 to go. yehey. 8 na lang! mabilis na lang yon.. ewan ko di ba dapat magpray ako na mas marami pang scripts para mas maraming sweldo? haha. susko. nasabak ako sa whirlwind uli after a long time in a placid little stream. pero tulad nga ng sabi nila... all bodies of water lead to the ocean. and you have to learn to swim, all by yourself.

i just want to finish all those 8 scripts with me getting faster and better each week. i pray. i will it. i'm fighting lord. thanking you for every tidbit of learing everytime, for every little joy and every little triumph, for every little fulfilling thing about this job.

day 2 deadline is tomorrow. non negotiable. wala pang treatment. papahinga muna ako.

week 4...done

thank you lord. dami kong gustong gawin ngayong tapos na ang week 4. pero i only have 1 day to do all that.

lord, thank you for helping me. faster times up ahead. shorter rest periods. please help me lord. thank you for finished work. i've been dreaming of this moment since two weeks ago.

the worst time to write a blog entry

is when you're trying to meet a deadline. but i just have to say something about the  whirlwind stuff that's been happening to me these days. the enormous change that's about to happen to my working life in the next several months.

make or break time. do or die. sink or swim. and i am not exaggerating. OHO sooo not.

nung isang araw naghihintay ako sa office. for a meeting with a bossing. dreading the minutes, hours...the agonizing wait. sabi ko sa sarili ko, maghihintay kaya ako hanggang 10pm...para lang masermonan? principal's office ba ito? batcave? ano? thing is... i had no idea. absolutely no idea why i had been called.

well, not absolutely. may faint idea naman. and, well, to be honest i was uber nervous. expecting the worst hoping for the best. i was imagining how the dialogue would go. the worst lines, really. but what i didnt expect was that two days later i would be thrust in the middle of a new project. yep, this sink or swim make or break do or die be punctual or be dead new project.

so here i am. hyperventilating. scared. to death. super. praying. for the frist time in quite some time. lord. please. help me fight. help me pull this off. til the very finale. til the very final closing billboard. i want to do this right. i want to pull this off. please. help me. please.

i feel like i'm being tossed into a den of lions. superprime. rush. no headwriter. and little slowpoke pentium-1 me as the only one in there. and to say that i am not terrified would be an utter complete lie. i am terrified beyond comprehension. but there are only two options, really. eat the lions or be eaten. win or lose. sink or swim. my head is above water but i will do my very best to stay afloat til the very very end.

i haven't wanted something this badly for a long time. at least where work is concerned. please lord. please. help me. just a little dint of brilliance. just a little dint of speed. please lord. help me.

To-Dos when the Things-to-Do are Done

when i'm working on something for many days straight, the To-Dos pile up. so here are the latest items on my To-Dos-When-the-TTDs-are-Done:

1. bathe the persian. ilang linggo na syang di nakakapagwarm-water-bath. pero kahit ganon...hongganda at hindi naman mabaho ang babycat ko :-)

2. arrange my closet. hindi na ako magpopost ng picture ng closet ko. baka madepress lang kayo. :-P

3. clean up the litter box (4 na araw na yatang may persian droppings dito. in fairness walang nangangamoy ha).  no pics either. baka kumakain kayo. 

4. wax the legs. ARGH. tried today but the line was so dang long. kainis. someday pag nagkaroon ako ng multimillions isa sa mga business options ko ang franchise ng waxing salon na ito. next to a franchise of Jco. hehe. 

5. go to the derma for diamond peel/facial. availed of a 5k 1-year promo for diamond peel and facial. bongga. kaso dahil sa kabusyhan ng life i skipped around three weeks. eh balak ko kasing sulitin. hehe. today--mission accomplished. daming nilinis sa fezlack. gross!

6. go to another clinic for 2nd LHR UA session. oo, puro kakikayan ang pinag-aatupag kong TTDs these days. availed another 5k-16month promo for laser hair reduction for UA at a clinic near my workplace. i attempted to accomplish this today kaso kailangan pa palang magpasked. argh. 

7. get a maniped at my favorite maniped salon. kakikayan na naman. kung kailan nag-asawa at nagkaanak saka umarte nang todo. hehe. sorry naman. was planning to do this today kaso kasama ko ang anak ko and it's really hard to be mobile when you're with a babygirl. you can only go to at least 3 places for an afternoon, at kailangan naka-cab kayo. 

8. canvas prices for a samsung galaxy S-II or S-III. oo, mortal na kasalanan ang pinaplano kong gawin. ang bumili ng bagong phone para palitan ang phone kong wala pa ngang isang taon na nasa akin. eh pano nabubwisit ako sa kabagalan nitong samsung galazy y duos ko. bought it in an online sulit shop for 5k and i'm starting to seriously doubt if it's the orig thing. baka class A. ARGH. i hate it pag bumibili ako ng mura tapos panget pala yung nabili ko. sa sobrang bwisit ko gusto ko na tuloy bumili sa mall kahit ano pa ang presyo. at least assured ako na original at compatible sa candy crush ang phone.  tsktsk. di ako dapat magastos. which brings me to...

9. make top-up for sunlife mutual fund. the NAVPs have dropped noticeably these past few days. a good time to take advantage. ito ang pangbalanse sa spending ways ko-- basta makapagtabi ako sa mf investment, i don't feel as worse about spending as i would if i hadn't saved something at the same time. 

went out with the babygirl today. she's almost three now and is sooo talkative. diretso na magsalita. and there this innocence to her talkativeness that makes even the most indifferent stranger smile. siguro biased lang talaga ako, pero nakakatuwa ang anak namin. hahaha.