the past three days weren't exactly party days for me, but i thank god for a huge blessing: wala kaming shoot today and tomorrow.
a huge blessing, dahil kelangan ko talaga ng pahinga. been sick with the flu for days, at kung hindi binigay samin ang dalawang araw na 'to, hindi ko alam kung masusurvive ko ang paglalagare sa mga susunod na araw.
bait talaga ni lord. you can't have everything, but you'll have just enough things in life to keep you going.
--
hay. gusto ko ng maraming pera. pero kung hindi talaga para sa kin ang maging mayaman, tatanggapin ko na rin. basta kung ano ang mga blessing na meron ako ngayon, andito pa din.
if i am right to be happy about certain things in my life right now, i can live with the status quo.
--
may nakita akong napakagandang mukha sa internet, hollywood celeb daw sya pero di ko alam ang pangalan nya. peaches and cream ang kutis nya, golden blonde hair, siguro mga 17-19 years old, ang amo-amo ng mukha. tinry kong hanapin ang name nya sa internet pero napagod na ko. haha.
nung 11-12 y.o. ako drowing ako nang drowing ng mukha ng babae, hoping to come up with the "perfect" female face. the best i could come up with had round wide eyes, an oval face, a pert nose, and dressed pretty conservatively. through the years nag-evolve na din ang perception ko ng feminine beauty. kung dati hindi ako nagagandahan sa mga chinita, ngayon na-realize ko na may mga chinita nga pala talagang magaganda. at hindi lahat ng caucasian at malaki ang mata, maganda.
never naman akong na-tung in this lifetime pero unabashed talaga ang admiration ko when it comes to beautiful women. maybe because in deep, i wish i could be as beautiful as them.
---
*&^)$@#)(_+#~!@#$#
sick, sick girl.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
they make a cute pair
she's not uber pretty. pero magkamukha sila. pag magkamukha daw ang dalawang tao, nagkakatuluyan.
he posts dozens of pictures of the two of them together on friendster. parang proud na proud. it must mean that he loves her a lot. either that, or ganun lang talaga sya pag may gf. ganun lang talaga sya magmahal.
may mga lalakeng ganun. those who would proudly tell the whole world (or sa www) that they're in love with the woman they love. ang cute, parang straight out of a st@r c1nem@ movie.
four years ago, he was asking me out for coffee. single pa sya noon. i didn't take it seriously. kasi he's too tall. anubayun. sabi ko din sa sarili ko, di ko type ang mga chinito at mas bata sa kin. kebs kung maganda pa ang background nya. kahit mukhang malinis at mapapagkatiwalaan. i felt that if we went out for coffee (kahit under the pretext of me giving him a coffee of my thesis film, which he said he liked), he would eventually end up as Just Another Coffee Date. just another of those forgettable, Not-The-One ones.
minsan mababaw ang basehan. pano mo ba masasabi kung ang isang tao ay hindi ang The One? minsan, wrong timing lang. minsan, masama lang ang gising mo. minsan maiisip mo, sana binigyan mo ng chance yung sarili mo, yung tao. para at least, hindi ka nag-iisip ng mga what-ifs.
(naiisip ko lang naman ang mga what-ifs pag annoyed ako kay osobear. and this is one of those moments. for some asinine, non-normal girl's reason).
water under the bridge. all that is. i'm actually glad to see that he's happy, with someone whom he seems to love a lot.
he posts dozens of pictures of the two of them together on friendster. parang proud na proud. it must mean that he loves her a lot. either that, or ganun lang talaga sya pag may gf. ganun lang talaga sya magmahal.
may mga lalakeng ganun. those who would proudly tell the whole world (or sa www) that they're in love with the woman they love. ang cute, parang straight out of a st@r c1nem@ movie.
four years ago, he was asking me out for coffee. single pa sya noon. i didn't take it seriously. kasi he's too tall. anubayun. sabi ko din sa sarili ko, di ko type ang mga chinito at mas bata sa kin. kebs kung maganda pa ang background nya. kahit mukhang malinis at mapapagkatiwalaan. i felt that if we went out for coffee (kahit under the pretext of me giving him a coffee of my thesis film, which he said he liked), he would eventually end up as Just Another Coffee Date. just another of those forgettable, Not-The-One ones.
minsan mababaw ang basehan. pano mo ba masasabi kung ang isang tao ay hindi ang The One? minsan, wrong timing lang. minsan, masama lang ang gising mo. minsan maiisip mo, sana binigyan mo ng chance yung sarili mo, yung tao. para at least, hindi ka nag-iisip ng mga what-ifs.
(naiisip ko lang naman ang mga what-ifs pag annoyed ako kay osobear. and this is one of those moments. for some asinine, non-normal girl's reason).
water under the bridge. all that is. i'm actually glad to see that he's happy, with someone whom he seems to love a lot.
bossing
matagal ko nang napapansin 'to sa kin.
in any work environ, i'm aloof towards whoever's The Boss. usually, almost always.
being aloof is an effort to hide the fact that in deep, i'm intimidated by them. by authority, in general, or whoever it is "up there" that has the power to judge or evaluate me. it's almost a...reflex (?) thing, something that i can't help, and something that i wish i could change. kasi, nasa showbiz tayo. dapat nga, mas bibuhan pa ang pakikitungo sa mga bossing, dahil sila ang may capacity para tulungan tayong rumaket everywhere.
pero, tsk.
i'm socially crippled.
di ko alam kung anong pinanggalingan nito. siguro dahil to kay miss pineda.
teacher ko si miss pineda nung prep. lagi na lang yata akong may nagagawang mali kaya lagi akong napapagalitan. minsan pinauwi nya ko dahil nakalimutan kong dalhin yung math book ko. buti na lang yung bahay ko sa tapat lang ng skwelahan namin.haha.
hindi ko masabing terror si miss pineda, pero "mataray" ang pagkakaalala ko sa kanya. and back then i had a feeling that she really didn't like me very much. minsan tinawag nya kong "ulyanin"--at that time hindi ko alam ang ibig sabihin nung "ulyanin", kaya pag-uwi ko tinanong ko sa mama ko kung ano nga ba yung "ulyanin". eto namang overprotective na mama ko, nagalit, sinabihan si miss pineda na wag tatawaging "ulyanin" ang anak nya. haha. sa akin bumuwelta yung ginawa ng nanay ko, dahil sabi ni miss pineda a few days later, nagsusumbong pa daw ako sa nanay ko, e totoo naman daw na makakalimutin ako. hehehe.
hay. di ko na alam kung anong nangyari kay miss pineda, pero alam ko after her marami pang teachers akong minahal at somekinda nagmahal din naman sa kin, kaya di ko rin alam kung tama bang sisihin sya sa pagiging socially-screwed up ko ngayon.
* * *
the other day i went back to the mother studio's office for a preprod meeting. nakita ko yung first boss ko in showbiz, si tbd. bigla akong nakaramdam ng nostalgia, for some reason. bigla ko syang na-miss. strangely, sinabi ko sa kanya yon, to her surprise. haha. mas madali talagang maging expressive when the boss is no longer the boss.
pumasok ako sa first job ko na scared of the big bad world. fresh grad, and tbd was technically my first "nanay". kaso hindi naman sya yung tipong mother hen--she herself admitted it--kaya left to our own survival mechanisms kaming mga anak nya. nung nag-resign ako ng 2004, sabi ko sa exit interview ko, "you're the best boss i've had". at ang tongue-in-cheek reply nya: "i'm the only boss you've ever had, saffron." haha. honganaman. pero actually, mabait na nanay pa tong si tbd. some fresh grads have had worse.
on the same day that i saw tbd, nakita ko din yung nanay of all nanays dun, for the first time since The Day that Put a Period on Things. she gave me a big warm hug, na sobrang na-appreciate ko. alam ko ganun sya sa lahat ng mga subordinates (past and present) nya, pero na-touch pa rin ako sa hug. hanggang ngayon pala naghahanap pa rin ako ng nanay. :-P
* * *
sa lahat ng mga naging direktor (boss) ko, pa-isa dalawa, tatlo pa lang yata yung masasabi kong naging "semblance" of nanay sa kin ever. isa pa sa kanila, nachugi na (hope you're happy where you are, manong). minsan nakakainggit din yung mga utaw na may masasabing "mentor" sa karerang pinasukan nila. hindi subordinate-boss ang relationship, mas mentor-student.
sana makahanap pa rin ako ng ganun. yung boss na maituturing kong nanay (o tatay). kung mangyari yun, it might just erase the legacy of Miss Pineda in this screwed-up mind, for good. :-P
in any work environ, i'm aloof towards whoever's The Boss. usually, almost always.
being aloof is an effort to hide the fact that in deep, i'm intimidated by them. by authority, in general, or whoever it is "up there" that has the power to judge or evaluate me. it's almost a...reflex (?) thing, something that i can't help, and something that i wish i could change. kasi, nasa showbiz tayo. dapat nga, mas bibuhan pa ang pakikitungo sa mga bossing, dahil sila ang may capacity para tulungan tayong rumaket everywhere.
pero, tsk.
i'm socially crippled.
di ko alam kung anong pinanggalingan nito. siguro dahil to kay miss pineda.
teacher ko si miss pineda nung prep. lagi na lang yata akong may nagagawang mali kaya lagi akong napapagalitan. minsan pinauwi nya ko dahil nakalimutan kong dalhin yung math book ko. buti na lang yung bahay ko sa tapat lang ng skwelahan namin.haha.
hindi ko masabing terror si miss pineda, pero "mataray" ang pagkakaalala ko sa kanya. and back then i had a feeling that she really didn't like me very much. minsan tinawag nya kong "ulyanin"--at that time hindi ko alam ang ibig sabihin nung "ulyanin", kaya pag-uwi ko tinanong ko sa mama ko kung ano nga ba yung "ulyanin". eto namang overprotective na mama ko, nagalit, sinabihan si miss pineda na wag tatawaging "ulyanin" ang anak nya. haha. sa akin bumuwelta yung ginawa ng nanay ko, dahil sabi ni miss pineda a few days later, nagsusumbong pa daw ako sa nanay ko, e totoo naman daw na makakalimutin ako. hehehe.
hay. di ko na alam kung anong nangyari kay miss pineda, pero alam ko after her marami pang teachers akong minahal at somekinda nagmahal din naman sa kin, kaya di ko rin alam kung tama bang sisihin sya sa pagiging socially-screwed up ko ngayon.
* * *
the other day i went back to the mother studio's office for a preprod meeting. nakita ko yung first boss ko in showbiz, si tbd. bigla akong nakaramdam ng nostalgia, for some reason. bigla ko syang na-miss. strangely, sinabi ko sa kanya yon, to her surprise. haha. mas madali talagang maging expressive when the boss is no longer the boss.
pumasok ako sa first job ko na scared of the big bad world. fresh grad, and tbd was technically my first "nanay". kaso hindi naman sya yung tipong mother hen--she herself admitted it--kaya left to our own survival mechanisms kaming mga anak nya. nung nag-resign ako ng 2004, sabi ko sa exit interview ko, "you're the best boss i've had". at ang tongue-in-cheek reply nya: "i'm the only boss you've ever had, saffron." haha. honganaman. pero actually, mabait na nanay pa tong si tbd. some fresh grads have had worse.
on the same day that i saw tbd, nakita ko din yung nanay of all nanays dun, for the first time since The Day that Put a Period on Things. she gave me a big warm hug, na sobrang na-appreciate ko. alam ko ganun sya sa lahat ng mga subordinates (past and present) nya, pero na-touch pa rin ako sa hug. hanggang ngayon pala naghahanap pa rin ako ng nanay. :-P
* * *
sa lahat ng mga naging direktor (boss) ko, pa-isa dalawa, tatlo pa lang yata yung masasabi kong naging "semblance" of nanay sa kin ever. isa pa sa kanila, nachugi na (hope you're happy where you are, manong). minsan nakakainggit din yung mga utaw na may masasabing "mentor" sa karerang pinasukan nila. hindi subordinate-boss ang relationship, mas mentor-student.
sana makahanap pa rin ako ng ganun. yung boss na maituturing kong nanay (o tatay). kung mangyari yun, it might just erase the legacy of Miss Pineda in this screwed-up mind, for good. :-P
Thursday, August 21, 2008
shoptalks with myself and other inanities
not feeling well, physically. mentally and else, i'm gathering myself up for a storm.
i dreamed last night that i was in an amusement park. and because of work, i was forced to ride in a ferris wheel, which i'd always hated, being a halukay-bituka ride and all. but in my dream, surprisingly, i actually enjoyed it. eyes-closed, but enjoyed it nonetheless.
i'm taking on the ferris wheel soon. nothing big, nothing new, but if things go as planned, the coming days will see me on a juggling spree--balls up in the air, here and there, with barely enough breathing space in between.
they called me back for the hottie director project. they're agreeing on the terms i offered--pag may araw na sasapaw sa isang previous commitment, i'll get a sub. we have yet to talk about it, but it seems that it's gonna be a go. as scriptcon, mahirap maglagare ng dalawang projects nang sabay. one way or another something will suffer somehow, but i'm determined to keep that from happening this time. for mama, papa, iye, keanna, and myself. all systems go na ito, heart mind and body. char!
this morning the bukidnon project resurfaced. moved na daw ang grind date, pwede na daw ba ko. my ultimate panghihinayang. 3 weeks in bukidnon with @ng3l, p10l0, and one of the mother studio's premiere direks. parang trabaho na bakasyon. pero malabo nang isama ang bolang to sa tatlong ija-juggle ko for the next several weeks. kahit sayang.
last day na kami for my friend's indie film sa aug28. we've only been shooting for four days. hah. indie. keri naman ng friend ko, uber bilis nya! ayokong iwanan ang project na to, kahit magsisimula nang mag-grind yung hottie direk's movie sa aug26. isang araw na lang naman.
yung project RR lang ang medyo malabo pang kausap ngayon. til now they haven't set a reshoot date. meeting lang ng meeting. have to follow this up soon.
three days ago i was too sick to go out. got a temp and body-wracking coughs and colds. still not fully well now, but i have two days to rest. have to make myself well in time for the whirlwind days ahead.
* * *
sayang yung videoke date sana namin nina beatlebum and marc. hay. ted, sana iresked natin to.
* * *
the other night was back-to-back bigscreen night. went to see AVSL and the X Files. liked AVSL kaso couldn't help comparing it to 1 more chance. which is unfair, kasi magkaibang materyal naman sila. could relate to laida's early stages of infatuation (shet, naaalala ko yung film 171 prof ko na sobrang ni-love ko din nung unang panahon...parang sya si miggy, except that my prof was gay. actually para din syang frog princess diaries ko, except that peer ko si f.g. at--yun din--bading sya), pero nung nagsisimula nang pansinin ni miggy si laida, a huge part of me was revolting. NO, HINDI YAN NANGYAYARI SA TOTOONG BUHAY! haha. parang pantasya kasi ng every unrequited lover everywhere...at bitter ako kasi hindi sya nangyari sa kin ever! heh!
the X-Files, on the other hand, was a TV episode that was played out at length on the big screen. maganda syang episode, at maganda rin ang big screen na pinanooran namin, kaso it lacks the "bigness" that i was expecting of the tv show's film version. naintriga lang akong panoorin kasi sabi ng nanay at tatay ko kamukha ni osobear si david duchovny. ha!ha! (at ang sagot ni osobear: "hindi ba si BENdavid duchovny..?" tsk. corny!)
* * *
gusto kong mapanood yung "jay". soon or someday. :-)
i dreamed last night that i was in an amusement park. and because of work, i was forced to ride in a ferris wheel, which i'd always hated, being a halukay-bituka ride and all. but in my dream, surprisingly, i actually enjoyed it. eyes-closed, but enjoyed it nonetheless.
i'm taking on the ferris wheel soon. nothing big, nothing new, but if things go as planned, the coming days will see me on a juggling spree--balls up in the air, here and there, with barely enough breathing space in between.
they called me back for the hottie director project. they're agreeing on the terms i offered--pag may araw na sasapaw sa isang previous commitment, i'll get a sub. we have yet to talk about it, but it seems that it's gonna be a go. as scriptcon, mahirap maglagare ng dalawang projects nang sabay. one way or another something will suffer somehow, but i'm determined to keep that from happening this time. for mama, papa, iye, keanna, and myself. all systems go na ito, heart mind and body. char!
this morning the bukidnon project resurfaced. moved na daw ang grind date, pwede na daw ba ko. my ultimate panghihinayang. 3 weeks in bukidnon with @ng3l, p10l0, and one of the mother studio's premiere direks. parang trabaho na bakasyon. pero malabo nang isama ang bolang to sa tatlong ija-juggle ko for the next several weeks. kahit sayang.
last day na kami for my friend's indie film sa aug28. we've only been shooting for four days. hah. indie. keri naman ng friend ko, uber bilis nya! ayokong iwanan ang project na to, kahit magsisimula nang mag-grind yung hottie direk's movie sa aug26. isang araw na lang naman.
yung project RR lang ang medyo malabo pang kausap ngayon. til now they haven't set a reshoot date. meeting lang ng meeting. have to follow this up soon.
three days ago i was too sick to go out. got a temp and body-wracking coughs and colds. still not fully well now, but i have two days to rest. have to make myself well in time for the whirlwind days ahead.
* * *
sayang yung videoke date sana namin nina beatlebum and marc. hay. ted, sana iresked natin to.
* * *
the other night was back-to-back bigscreen night. went to see AVSL and the X Files. liked AVSL kaso couldn't help comparing it to 1 more chance. which is unfair, kasi magkaibang materyal naman sila. could relate to laida's early stages of infatuation (shet, naaalala ko yung film 171 prof ko na sobrang ni-love ko din nung unang panahon...parang sya si miggy, except that my prof was gay. actually para din syang frog princess diaries ko, except that peer ko si f.g. at--yun din--bading sya), pero nung nagsisimula nang pansinin ni miggy si laida, a huge part of me was revolting. NO, HINDI YAN NANGYAYARI SA TOTOONG BUHAY! haha. parang pantasya kasi ng every unrequited lover everywhere...at bitter ako kasi hindi sya nangyari sa kin ever! heh!
the X-Files, on the other hand, was a TV episode that was played out at length on the big screen. maganda syang episode, at maganda rin ang big screen na pinanooran namin, kaso it lacks the "bigness" that i was expecting of the tv show's film version. naintriga lang akong panoorin kasi sabi ng nanay at tatay ko kamukha ni osobear si david duchovny. ha!ha! (at ang sagot ni osobear: "hindi ba si BENdavid duchovny..?" tsk. corny!)
* * *
gusto kong mapanood yung "jay". soon or someday. :-)
Saturday, August 16, 2008
kung pwedeng umeskapo via avsl...
...ginawa ko na. kaso next week ko pa sya mapapanood. baka by that time, hindi ko na kelangang umeskapo.
ang guwapo ni lloydy sa trailer.
gusto kong makatrabaho yung direk. mahaba pa naman ang buhay.
sobrang naging popular ang sundance. kahit mga lalake (hindi sila market ng mga movies na tulad ng avsl), familiar sa sayaw. sabi ni osobear, manonood lang daw sya ng avsl kung may libreng passes. haha.
buti na lang binigyan kami ng passes ni wtrfwl at penguin. may extra pang isa, kaya baka isama namin si keanna.
gusto ko ng pelikulang pang-eskapo!
* * *
the prestige. i saw it on HBO last night.
like ko tong pelikulang to. hindi ko ma-pinpoint kung anong genre nya, pero it works for me. ang galing talaga ni nolan. naka-eskapo ako kagabi dahil sa the prestige.
kumusta naman ang yummy christian bale dito? mas gusto ko sya pag may laman sya ng onti. even the grim line that is his mouth beefs up into a kissable (?!) pout when he fills out. parang nagkakahawig sila ng konti ni keanu reeves, the love of my highschool life. haha, pathetic no?
ano bang magandang palabas sa sinehan.
sassy girl, chick flick. napanood ko na yung asian version, baka madisappoint lang ako.
ano pa ba. ano pa ba. ano pa baaa.
ang guwapo ni lloydy sa trailer.
gusto kong makatrabaho yung direk. mahaba pa naman ang buhay.
sobrang naging popular ang sundance. kahit mga lalake (hindi sila market ng mga movies na tulad ng avsl), familiar sa sayaw. sabi ni osobear, manonood lang daw sya ng avsl kung may libreng passes. haha.
buti na lang binigyan kami ng passes ni wtrfwl at penguin. may extra pang isa, kaya baka isama namin si keanna.
gusto ko ng pelikulang pang-eskapo!
* * *
the prestige. i saw it on HBO last night.
like ko tong pelikulang to. hindi ko ma-pinpoint kung anong genre nya, pero it works for me. ang galing talaga ni nolan. naka-eskapo ako kagabi dahil sa the prestige.
kumusta naman ang yummy christian bale dito? mas gusto ko sya pag may laman sya ng onti. even the grim line that is his mouth beefs up into a kissable (?!) pout when he fills out. parang nagkakahawig sila ng konti ni keanu reeves, the love of my highschool life. haha, pathetic no?
ano bang magandang palabas sa sinehan.
sassy girl, chick flick. napanood ko na yung asian version, baka madisappoint lang ako.
ano pa ba. ano pa ba. ano pa baaa.
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