love, hope, faith, and other addictions

* current items on my daily to-do list: shooting schedules for two projects. boring. the bright side of it, though, is that making schedules is much more interesting to do than script continuity breakdowns. haha. i pray for more of these things in the coming years.

* paperwork, paperwork. that's my life these days. lonely job when you're not out there shooting. but the bright side of it (again! i'm SO optimistic. haha) is i have control over my time. pwedeng magpahinga anytime i want to, basta matapos pa rin ang trabaho within a certain deadline. pero hindi pa rin. preprod is important, but it's zzzzz. nothing beats the rush of shooting. all over the place. in far-off exotic locales. with dynamic, wonderful people.

* the "s@pi" movie shoots not yet over. two or three more days to go. the other day was particularly exhausting for me. strange, considering that there were no major sequences involved. nakakasakit pala ng ulo ang laging sumisigaw. hindi sigaw na pagalit--siguro mas nakakasakit ng ulo yon--kundi yung sigaw ng instructions. yung "quiet please!", "standby for take!", "action!", etcetera. nakakasakit din ng ulo pag mainit ang panahon at andaming extras/talents na kelangang i-block. pero hindi ako nagrereklamo. kasi gusto ko syang gawin. masaya naman syang gawin.

* right now i'm more inclined to believe an Assistant Director (who used to be a continuity supervisor) when she said na mas mahirap ang trabaho ng script con kesa AD. magkaiba ang nature ng trabaho nila pero ibang klaseng aligaga ang continuity work. from note-taking to memorizing to dialogue monitoring to postprod concerns. idagdag pa natin yung pagtulong nya sa AD that is the usual norm in pinoy moviemaking (sa ibang bansa kasi pag continuity ka, yun lang ang strictly gagawin mo). mas glamorosa nga lang ang titulo ng pagiging AD, kasi mas mataas ang ranking sa corporate ladder, pero personally mas nahihirapan ako sa trabaho ng script con. minsan, though, nami-miss ko rin. magpicture-picture for continuity photos. mag-memory work. mag-notes. but moving on we are, aren't we. moving on, and up, until we're finally There.

* "There". hay. what was the concept of "There", anyway? parang nakakalimot na ko.

* festival thingies to attend to in the next week are in order. please, Procrastinator Bluey. make time.

* i so wish i could also make time to sit down and try to do something "creative". i haven't done strictly creative work in a while. kumusta na ang One Great Dream, beeyatch? or has life distracted you somehow?

* honestly, i'm just taking whatever life throws my way. masyado kasing drastic ang magiging steps kung kakaririn ko ang One Great Dream sa ngayon. concentrating on the day job is somehow much easier to do. and it's playing safe. i earn money and somehow still feel that my life is getting somewhere, na fulfilled pa rin ako. alam ko kulang pa ang efforts ko. alam ko maling attitude na gawing substitute ang trabaho sa pangarap, where getting personal fulfillment is concerned. oo na, oo na!!!

* someday. someday. i hope i would no longer be saying these words five years from now.

* where the job is concerned, though, i'm full of hope right now. i'm waiting for something to materialize. something in the bright blue horizon, at the edge of a white-sand beach. something that will make this summer probably one of my most memorable ones yet. lord, please please. i pray, pray.

* after a taste of a long whirlwind year, i've made it my goal to make every year as busy as 2006. even busier. productive, exciting, adventurous. january has given me that. but it seems that february has been more devoted to preprod paperwork than shoots. nami-miss ko. gusto ko, gogogo lagi. gusto ko, lagi akong tumutilapon sa kung saan.

* pero darating ka pala sa puntong may mga factors kang iisipin, na hindi mo dating naiisip. back then i'd have no qualms about leaving home for long periods. except for the occasional bouts of homesickness, there were no major downsides. now there are certain things to consider. which isn't good, because somehow it dampens your excitement. it holds you back. me and myself have agreed what the real priority is for now. for now, it's the day job. although hindi rin naman masamang isipin ang ibang factors. ala namang kwenta ang buhay kung isang aspeto lang ang pagtutuunan mo ng pansin.

* balance. that's the magic word.

* and yes, faith.

* i've been praying the same prayer everyday. and i want to believe that god is responding in the positive. in spite of my doubting cynical self i know that it will all boil down to faith. in god. in people. in relationships. because in certain situations, faith is all that i will be able to rely on.

* love. tama ang red hot chili peppers. hindi mo seseryosohin ang kanta pero come to think of it, may sense of truth naman pala. haha!