today, tiring day. what's new.
i hate meetings. they bore me to near-coma. especially when i don't need to be there, and yet they called me in. and when the meeting place requires me to wake up dang early and travel from one end of the metro to the other.
at least, my bloggable tidbit akong mashe-share, kahit papano. i got to be in b0ng mailto:r3vill@ house. hehe. first time ko yatang makapunta sa bahay ng isang celebrity.
first time ko ring ma-meet si b0ng r3vill@. in fairness, guwapo pala sya in person. not my type but pleasant to the eyes naman. nakita ko rin ang anak nyang si j0l0. di mo iisiping may anak na dahil totoy na totoy ang itsura. gusto ko pag nagkaanak ako mas maganda/guwapo kesa sa min ng tatay nya.
the meeting stretched on for the entire afternoon, and by the time it ended i was drained. drained from sitting and listening to discussions that don't matter a pin to my D&R as far as the project is concerned. it was just time and money and effort wasted. hay. at least na-meet ko na ang ibang members ng staff. at nakapunta pa ko sa bahay ng celebrity. hah, hay.
4 pm. time for meeting number two. now this meeting today i absolutely loathe, doubly loathe, because it required me to brave rush hour traffic and travel (again) halfway across the metro, only for naught. i'd had a bad feeling about this already. sabi kasi sa kin three days ago, kung gusto ko daw mag-AD. para kanino po? i asked. kaka balagtas, was the reply.
hindi ko masyadong kilala si kaka balagtas, dahil maliit pa yata ako nung sya ang naging mauro gia samonte ng philippine movies, pero work is work, and a job offer is a job offer. so even if my nose was twitching, i went to the supposed introductory meeting, expecting to meet kaka balagtas for the first time.
pagdating ko don, they started prattling about some unfinished movie that involved another director, and the problems that they encountered and how they wanted to "revamp" the people in the production. i got confused. teka po, anong kinalaman nyan sa project natin? di ba si kaka balagtas ang direktor?
ah, sinabi ko lang sa yo yon kasi yung iba pag nabanggit sa kanila ang pangalan ni (the name of the real director), medyo ano e...baka...
ah okay, i said, trying to laugh. ba't kelangan pang magsinungaling?
they tried explaining, but i didn't hear the excuses anymore. i wouldn't hear of it. because i barely know these people, and they're already lying to me. na-offend ako, at dapat ma-offend din si kaka balagtas, kasi ginamit ang pangalan nya nang wala syang kaalam-alam. i went there thinking that my director was this dude, tapos hindi naman pala. at ang rason nila behind it was that baka pag nalaman ko kung sino ang tunay na direktor, tanggihan ko outright?
eh putcha, di ba outright deception yon? sabihan mo ang isang bata, nene punta ka dito andito ang mommy mo, kahit ang totoo eh wala sya don, pero sinabi mo yon dahil feeling mo hindi pupunta ang bata kung hindi mo sasabihing andun ang nanay nya. eh umasa ang bata na madadatnan nya don ang nanay nya, at bumagtas pa sya ng ilang ilog para lang makapunta, only to find out na niloko lang pala sya?
hello! kesehoda kungsinopayang direktor nyo, basta sana lang maging up front at transparent tayo, basta walang linlangan, kahit wala pa syang pangalan, tatanggapin ko kung maayos naman ang usapan. that project smelled bad from the beginning, and it totally stank from the moment that i learned about that little white lie.
wala, nakakainis lang. kasi sayang ang pinangtaxi ko. sayang ang oras ko. pero naisip ko rin na ok na rin. at least sumipot ako at hindi nang-indian. at nagkaroon ako ng enough balls to turn it down. kasi usually ang hirap tumanggi sa trabaho. kahit kesyo foreigner pa ang investor nila. dahil masama talaga ang kutob ko. tapos nalaman ko pang hindi pala si kaka balagtas ang direktor. naku!
hehe. angst kung angst. minsan sa pagod na lang. minsan sa panlulumo. at pag dumarating ang mga panahong to na naiinis ako dahil sa mga downsides ng propesyong pinasukan ko, isang tao na lang ang iniisip ko. kung nasan na sya ngayon. kung kumain na ba sya. kung naiisip din ba nya ko.
takbuhan. sumbungan. hingahan ng sama ng loob. if i could only make you such. but i wouldn't do that. i wouldn't lay my baggage on you.
sana masaya ko bukas.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
void
tired. the past few days have somehow drained the life outta me. at least for the moment. i know i'll get over this tomorrow.
you get that feeling, after laboring and worrying over one and the same thing for several days. when it's done, you feel like something huge and massive has been pulled out from you. but it's not a positive feeling, when it should be. you feel empty. emptied out, disemboweled.
now it's over, now i can move on with my life. today i delivered my baby in front of half a dozen bigwig critics. i had thought i would be proud. all that passion couldn't go wrong. but somehow a moment came when it dawned on me. they wouldn't care. they wouldn't factor in the sleepless nights, the money i spent, the effort i put in. they would only judge the finished product. just like a movie audience.
that's what they are, first and foremost. today, they were my target market. and i had tried to adjust according to what i had thought were their standards. but today something was pulled out of me, and it was fried under the glare of HMIs. it hurt. because i think there were valid points there. because somehow it made me question myself. because i'd thought for the longest time that i knew what i'd been doing.
it was giving birth. and then witnessing your baby being judged. i'd gone through that same scenario dozens of times before. in different versions, with varying results. and yet this affected me, somehow. when normally i'd just dismiss it.
before i left the delivery room what i got was polite applause. an A-for-effort kind of thing. thanks for delivering your baby, but we were expecting something else.
i left the room, and that was when i started feeling the void. 45 minutes was what it was all for. i went to meet someone, and one question was all it took, "kumusta?". one question and a few minutes, and i was crying. sh--t, i think i messed it up. the void was growing and the memory was fresh. i was comforted, i was hugged; that's what dearly beloveds are for, but no matter how they try to empathize and sympathize you know it wouldn't fill the void. the void was left by something that was nurtured by a different kind of passion that you couldn't give to anything or anyone else.
soon i met a couple of friends who went through the same kind of labor, and then i realized that maybe it wasn't as bad as i'd thought. that maybe i'd overreacted. it made me feel better, but the void is still here. the questions still unanswered. and for some reason, i feel bad enough to want to get drunk.
i don't know why. maybe it's just the night. maybe it's PMS. or maybe i need to do some self-assessment again.
you get that feeling, after laboring and worrying over one and the same thing for several days. when it's done, you feel like something huge and massive has been pulled out from you. but it's not a positive feeling, when it should be. you feel empty. emptied out, disemboweled.
now it's over, now i can move on with my life. today i delivered my baby in front of half a dozen bigwig critics. i had thought i would be proud. all that passion couldn't go wrong. but somehow a moment came when it dawned on me. they wouldn't care. they wouldn't factor in the sleepless nights, the money i spent, the effort i put in. they would only judge the finished product. just like a movie audience.
that's what they are, first and foremost. today, they were my target market. and i had tried to adjust according to what i had thought were their standards. but today something was pulled out of me, and it was fried under the glare of HMIs. it hurt. because i think there were valid points there. because somehow it made me question myself. because i'd thought for the longest time that i knew what i'd been doing.
it was giving birth. and then witnessing your baby being judged. i'd gone through that same scenario dozens of times before. in different versions, with varying results. and yet this affected me, somehow. when normally i'd just dismiss it.
before i left the delivery room what i got was polite applause. an A-for-effort kind of thing. thanks for delivering your baby, but we were expecting something else.
i left the room, and that was when i started feeling the void. 45 minutes was what it was all for. i went to meet someone, and one question was all it took, "kumusta?". one question and a few minutes, and i was crying. sh--t, i think i messed it up. the void was growing and the memory was fresh. i was comforted, i was hugged; that's what dearly beloveds are for, but no matter how they try to empathize and sympathize you know it wouldn't fill the void. the void was left by something that was nurtured by a different kind of passion that you couldn't give to anything or anyone else.
soon i met a couple of friends who went through the same kind of labor, and then i realized that maybe it wasn't as bad as i'd thought. that maybe i'd overreacted. it made me feel better, but the void is still here. the questions still unanswered. and for some reason, i feel bad enough to want to get drunk.
i don't know why. maybe it's just the night. maybe it's PMS. or maybe i need to do some self-assessment again.
Monday, June 25, 2007
first time series: love scene
first time kong mag-direk ng isang love scene. nakakailang din pala kahit papano. kahit aesthetics ang first and foremost concern mo bilang direktor at tinitingnan mo ang eksena in the same, um, "clinical" way kung pano tingnan ng isang ob-gyne ang pasyente nya, may moment na mararamdaman mong para kang voyeur. at ang unang instinct mo, iiwas ang mga mata mo, dahil alam mong hindi ka dapat nanonood sa private moment ng dalawang taong to. haha.
pero masaya, kasi hindi ko akalaing make-keri ko palang magdirek ng love scene. kasi bago 'to, hanggang patayan, kantahan, at baklaan lang ako. hehe ;-D
argh. tuesday na. ano bang napakahirap sa isang pesteng powerpoint presentation? ba't takot na takot ako?!?
wednesday pa ko magkaka-buhay uli. premiere ng movie namin na shinoot sa putikan.
ang lapit na ng wednesday. can't wait for it. but a lot has to happen between now and wednesday as well. kaya parang ayoko pa rin munang mag-wednesday.
pero masaya, kasi hindi ko akalaing make-keri ko palang magdirek ng love scene. kasi bago 'to, hanggang patayan, kantahan, at baklaan lang ako. hehe ;-D
argh. tuesday na. ano bang napakahirap sa isang pesteng powerpoint presentation? ba't takot na takot ako?!?
wednesday pa ko magkaka-buhay uli. premiere ng movie namin na shinoot sa putikan.
ang lapit na ng wednesday. can't wait for it. but a lot has to happen between now and wednesday as well. kaya parang ayoko pa rin munang mag-wednesday.
Friday, June 22, 2007
diary of a bad girl
may isang bagay na gustong-gusto kong makuha. gusto-gusto, but not in a matter-of-life-and-death kinda way, pero gustong-gusto, nonetheless. gustong-gusto ko sya kaya ise-set aside ko ang ibang bagay para lang magkaroon ng panahon para sa kanya. kahit gumastos ako, mangarag ako, kahit walang kasiguruhan kung makukuha ko sya despite the effort and time i'll put in, ok lang. kung hindi man magbunga, feeling ko hindi naman ako manghihinayang. it's worth the effort, at least masasabi kong binigay kong lahat ng makakaya kong ibigay, given the givens.
hay. the clock is ticking. tick tock.
may video akong gagawin first week of july. sana hindi sumapaw sa day job. sabi nila first week of july din daw magsisimula ang pelikulang ishu-shoot sa gitna ng lahar country. after the Direk's movie, parang ayoko munang mag-shoot as script con in the next several days. na-drain ako. gusto kong ma-miss uli ang trabaho ko.
sana ma-move sya to 2nd week of july, at the earliest. kelangan ko pa tuloy bumili ng memory card na mas malaki ang capacity para sa partner-in-crime kong digicam.
may binasa akong script lately, natutuwa ako sa storya ng isang character. timid at talunan ang character na to, mala-Ugly Duckling Meets Carrie ang storya nya, pero ibang personalidad ang hinulma nya para sa sarili sa online blog nya. ang title ng blog, "the Diary of a Bad Girl". itong online personality nya, andaming fans. at isa sa mga fans na yon turned out to be the Meanest Popular Girl in their school, yung nang-aapi-api sa kanya. haha.
it's cool to be bad. maling values ang ine-endorse, pero napaisip ako. everyone's trying to be nice. everyone's careful not to step on anyone's toes. i for one naiinsulto pag may kung sinong herodes dyan na magsasabing mukha akong bitch, judging from initial impressions alone. pero pano kung may pagkakataon kang maging "bad", kung may chance kang ilabas ang "bitchy" side mo, kahit sa online blog man lang?
feeling ko mabuti naman akong tao, mukha nga lang bitch (haha), kasi hindi ako mahilig ngumiti at seryoso talaga ang timpla ng pagkatao ko, pero parang na-inspire ako sa storya ng Diary of a Bad Girl. nasa point ako ngayon na parang gusto kong maglabas ng basura. gusto kong mag-angstfest. nape-pressure ako. parang gusto kong magpaka-badgirl.
so eto na.
marami akong pet peeves. ang isa dun, injustice sa mundo. haha. ang lawak ano. hindi ko madetalye pero nakakainis talaga. kasi maraming tao sa mundo ang binubuhos pati kaluluwa nila sa trabahong ginagawa nila. dahil mahal nila ang trabaho nila, or at least ang mundong ginagalawan nila. sana man lang matumbasan nang maayos, monetary-wise. kasi hindi biro ang magpuyat at magpagod. hindi biro ang magtrabaho ng 24 hours straight.
syempre naiinitindihan mo pag ini-islash ang budget, dahil wala talagang masyadong pera, kung ayaw mo e di wag mong pasukin, kung hindi ka agree sa compensation na binibigay sa yo e di wag mong tanggapin, marami pa namang projects na iba, pero hindi ganun ka-simple, lalo na kung hindi lang naman katrabaho ang turing mo sa mga kausap mo.
eh yan ang mahirap. pag nahaluan ng personal ang trabaho. pag utang na loob, loyalty, at good faith ang pumasok sa equation. oh well. natahimik ang bitch. hindi naman laging ganito. alam mong alam naman ng mga nanay at tatay mo sa industriya kung ano ang nararapat para sa yo. oh well. sige na nga. dahil hindi naman lahat tungkol sa pera. kung pera ang hanap ko, ibang mundo ang ginagalawan ko ngayon.
isa pang nakapagpatahimik sa bitch. suportahan ang mga taong may magandang intensyon. para when it's your turn, maaasahan mo rin ang mga tao na susuportahan ang magandang intensyon mo.
ok. anyway.
pet peeve ko rin ang stoplights. lagi silang kontrabida sa buhay ko, lalo na pag nagmamadali ako. sa lugar na tinitirhan ko sandamukal ang stoplights, bawat intersection yata may apat na stoplights. pucha, ang praning talaga ng nagpatayo nun. o di kaya eh pinagkakitaan nya ang pagpapatayo ng stoplights na yon, dahil may sideline syang kumpanya na supplier ng stoplights.
ang problema sa stoplights mechanical sila, hindi nila nakikita kung wala namang dumadaang sasakyan sa kabilang kalye, unlike traffic aides na pwedeng mag-adjust ng kanilang trafficking di ba. kaya kahit mistulang disyerto pa ang intersecting road naka-red pa rin ang stoplight sa kalye namin, eh ilang minuto ring dagdag yun sa travel time mo. ang sarap nilang batuhin.
ang sarap ding batuhin ng mga lalake sa daan na hinahagod ng tingin ang likuran (read: puwet) ng mga babaeng dumadaan sa harap nila. nandon na ko, nature na talaga ng mga lalake yon, pero nakakabwisit pa rin. tulad kahapon, may nakita kong babae na dumaan sa harap ng tricycle driver, lantaran talaga kung lantakan ng mata ng driver yung likuran ng babaeng dumaan. putcha, ano bang problema, aren't you getting any, mehn? kahit di nangyayari sa kin, nakakabastos pa rin, kasi babae din ako, at malay ko ba kung anong nangyayari sa likod ko pag napapadaan ako sa harap ng kung sinong herodes na mukhang kinukulang sa supply ng you-know-what (o sadyang manyakis lamang). matagal ko nang natanggap na ganon talaga ang mga lalake, pero wala lang, tutal napag-usapan na rin naman ang mga pet peeves, at kahapon eh gusto kong tusukin ang mga mata ng lalakeng yon.
isa pang nakakainis sa tanang life eh yung mga taong makukulit. maraming klase ng kulit. may kulit ng bata na papansin nang papansin sa mga sandaling nagtatrabaho ka at kelangan mong mag-concentrate. may kulit ng katrabaho na sinabi mo na nga ng ilang beses at klaro naman sa tingin mo ang pagkakasabi mo, tsaka ka hihiritan ng, "ano nga uli yon?". may kulit din ng mga katrabahong hinahaluan ng pamemechay ang trabaho (naku, hate ko yan), yung tipong tingin pa lang sa yo eh nakakaalibadbad/nakakairita na, at kung di mo pa soplahin eh di pa mage-get na nandon ka hindi para kumyondi kundi magtrabaho. may kulit din na computerized, yung globe 2977 na all-too-willing na maging ka-textmate mo, lalo na at a time when you're waiting for important messages to come.
hay. ok mag-bitch. pero may feeling of guilt pa rin. kasi sane enough naman ako to understand na merong explanation para sa lahat. sa sitwasyon, sa tao, sa mga pagkakataon. at hindi rin naman ako perpekto. minsan ang pinag-uugatan ng kinabubwisitan ko, sarili ko din ang may gawa.
12:51 na. marami pang dapat gawin. isa sa mga pet peeve ko rin yung kulang sa oras. lagi kong kalaban ang oras! argh!
hay. the clock is ticking. tick tock.
may video akong gagawin first week of july. sana hindi sumapaw sa day job. sabi nila first week of july din daw magsisimula ang pelikulang ishu-shoot sa gitna ng lahar country. after the Direk's movie, parang ayoko munang mag-shoot as script con in the next several days. na-drain ako. gusto kong ma-miss uli ang trabaho ko.
sana ma-move sya to 2nd week of july, at the earliest. kelangan ko pa tuloy bumili ng memory card na mas malaki ang capacity para sa partner-in-crime kong digicam.
may binasa akong script lately, natutuwa ako sa storya ng isang character. timid at talunan ang character na to, mala-Ugly Duckling Meets Carrie ang storya nya, pero ibang personalidad ang hinulma nya para sa sarili sa online blog nya. ang title ng blog, "the Diary of a Bad Girl". itong online personality nya, andaming fans. at isa sa mga fans na yon turned out to be the Meanest Popular Girl in their school, yung nang-aapi-api sa kanya. haha.
it's cool to be bad. maling values ang ine-endorse, pero napaisip ako. everyone's trying to be nice. everyone's careful not to step on anyone's toes. i for one naiinsulto pag may kung sinong herodes dyan na magsasabing mukha akong bitch, judging from initial impressions alone. pero pano kung may pagkakataon kang maging "bad", kung may chance kang ilabas ang "bitchy" side mo, kahit sa online blog man lang?
feeling ko mabuti naman akong tao, mukha nga lang bitch (haha), kasi hindi ako mahilig ngumiti at seryoso talaga ang timpla ng pagkatao ko, pero parang na-inspire ako sa storya ng Diary of a Bad Girl. nasa point ako ngayon na parang gusto kong maglabas ng basura. gusto kong mag-angstfest. nape-pressure ako. parang gusto kong magpaka-badgirl.
so eto na.
marami akong pet peeves. ang isa dun, injustice sa mundo. haha. ang lawak ano. hindi ko madetalye pero nakakainis talaga. kasi maraming tao sa mundo ang binubuhos pati kaluluwa nila sa trabahong ginagawa nila. dahil mahal nila ang trabaho nila, or at least ang mundong ginagalawan nila. sana man lang matumbasan nang maayos, monetary-wise. kasi hindi biro ang magpuyat at magpagod. hindi biro ang magtrabaho ng 24 hours straight.
syempre naiinitindihan mo pag ini-islash ang budget, dahil wala talagang masyadong pera, kung ayaw mo e di wag mong pasukin, kung hindi ka agree sa compensation na binibigay sa yo e di wag mong tanggapin, marami pa namang projects na iba, pero hindi ganun ka-simple, lalo na kung hindi lang naman katrabaho ang turing mo sa mga kausap mo.
eh yan ang mahirap. pag nahaluan ng personal ang trabaho. pag utang na loob, loyalty, at good faith ang pumasok sa equation. oh well. natahimik ang bitch. hindi naman laging ganito. alam mong alam naman ng mga nanay at tatay mo sa industriya kung ano ang nararapat para sa yo. oh well. sige na nga. dahil hindi naman lahat tungkol sa pera. kung pera ang hanap ko, ibang mundo ang ginagalawan ko ngayon.
isa pang nakapagpatahimik sa bitch. suportahan ang mga taong may magandang intensyon. para when it's your turn, maaasahan mo rin ang mga tao na susuportahan ang magandang intensyon mo.
ok. anyway.
pet peeve ko rin ang stoplights. lagi silang kontrabida sa buhay ko, lalo na pag nagmamadali ako. sa lugar na tinitirhan ko sandamukal ang stoplights, bawat intersection yata may apat na stoplights. pucha, ang praning talaga ng nagpatayo nun. o di kaya eh pinagkakitaan nya ang pagpapatayo ng stoplights na yon, dahil may sideline syang kumpanya na supplier ng stoplights.
ang problema sa stoplights mechanical sila, hindi nila nakikita kung wala namang dumadaang sasakyan sa kabilang kalye, unlike traffic aides na pwedeng mag-adjust ng kanilang trafficking di ba. kaya kahit mistulang disyerto pa ang intersecting road naka-red pa rin ang stoplight sa kalye namin, eh ilang minuto ring dagdag yun sa travel time mo. ang sarap nilang batuhin.
ang sarap ding batuhin ng mga lalake sa daan na hinahagod ng tingin ang likuran (read: puwet) ng mga babaeng dumadaan sa harap nila. nandon na ko, nature na talaga ng mga lalake yon, pero nakakabwisit pa rin. tulad kahapon, may nakita kong babae na dumaan sa harap ng tricycle driver, lantaran talaga kung lantakan ng mata ng driver yung likuran ng babaeng dumaan. putcha, ano bang problema, aren't you getting any, mehn? kahit di nangyayari sa kin, nakakabastos pa rin, kasi babae din ako, at malay ko ba kung anong nangyayari sa likod ko pag napapadaan ako sa harap ng kung sinong herodes na mukhang kinukulang sa supply ng you-know-what (o sadyang manyakis lamang). matagal ko nang natanggap na ganon talaga ang mga lalake, pero wala lang, tutal napag-usapan na rin naman ang mga pet peeves, at kahapon eh gusto kong tusukin ang mga mata ng lalakeng yon.
isa pang nakakainis sa tanang life eh yung mga taong makukulit. maraming klase ng kulit. may kulit ng bata na papansin nang papansin sa mga sandaling nagtatrabaho ka at kelangan mong mag-concentrate. may kulit ng katrabaho na sinabi mo na nga ng ilang beses at klaro naman sa tingin mo ang pagkakasabi mo, tsaka ka hihiritan ng, "ano nga uli yon?". may kulit din ng mga katrabahong hinahaluan ng pamemechay ang trabaho (naku, hate ko yan), yung tipong tingin pa lang sa yo eh nakakaalibadbad/nakakairita na, at kung di mo pa soplahin eh di pa mage-get na nandon ka hindi para kumyondi kundi magtrabaho. may kulit din na computerized, yung globe 2977 na all-too-willing na maging ka-textmate mo, lalo na at a time when you're waiting for important messages to come.
hay. ok mag-bitch. pero may feeling of guilt pa rin. kasi sane enough naman ako to understand na merong explanation para sa lahat. sa sitwasyon, sa tao, sa mga pagkakataon. at hindi rin naman ako perpekto. minsan ang pinag-uugatan ng kinabubwisitan ko, sarili ko din ang may gawa.
12:51 na. marami pang dapat gawin. isa sa mga pet peeve ko rin yung kulang sa oras. lagi kong kalaban ang oras! argh!
Monday, June 18, 2007
happy predictions
i foresee a haggard week. it should be a haggard week, if i were to get things done.
happy ako kasi hindi negative ang reaction ko sa nakikinita kong busy-busyhang linggong darating. i'm raring to get going. gusto ko nang simulan, kasi hindi sya trabaho para sa kin.
hay. gusto ko ng maraming maraming pera. may humihingi ng saklolo. kung pwede lang saklolohan sila financially nang hindi kelangang isakripisyo ang sariling comforts sa buhay.
first things first. i'm bound for busy days ahead. and i'll love every minute of it.
keep prayin the same prayer. everyday.
happy ako kasi hindi negative ang reaction ko sa nakikinita kong busy-busyhang linggong darating. i'm raring to get going. gusto ko nang simulan, kasi hindi sya trabaho para sa kin.
hay. gusto ko ng maraming maraming pera. may humihingi ng saklolo. kung pwede lang saklolohan sila financially nang hindi kelangang isakripisyo ang sariling comforts sa buhay.
first things first. i'm bound for busy days ahead. and i'll love every minute of it.
keep prayin the same prayer. everyday.
Friday, June 15, 2007
tired on a work-free night
finally, free time.
i've been out of the house most days of the week for the past two weeks. i missed my bed. my laptopy. surfing the net for hours on end. sleeping and eating and sleeping again.
kasi dalawang projects ang nginarag na tapusin these past two weeks. kaya ngarag din ang buhay para sakin. waking up before sunrise, laboring til the next sunrise. pagod, puyat, init, sakit sa ulo. minsan naiinggit na tuloy ako sa mga taong-opisina. lagi silang mabango. hindi naiinitan sa de-aircon na kuwarto. pagdating ng alas-5, tapos na ang trabaho. minsan naiisip ko kung ano ba tong pinasok ko!
syempre hanggang reklamo lang ako. kasi hindi ko naman ipagpapalit to sa trabahong-opisina. kahit ba napaka-vain kong tao, at alam kong mabilis magpapangit ang nature ng trabaho ko. kaso minsan in your dreariest hours (usually mga alas-3 ng umaga, with a dozen sequences to go before packup), nagsasawa ka nang mangarag, pawisan, at magpakapuyat. euw, di ba. buti na lang natatapos ang isang proyekto. usually enough time na yon para sa kin para ma-desaturate, ma-dilute, at bumalik ang pagmamahal sa ginagawa ko.
this week dalawang pelikula ang natapos ang principal photography. yung baby project ni Direk at yung j@de movie. celebratory mode at packup time. beer, litson, kodakan, tawanan, congratulations and thank yous, hugs and besos. pero hindi ako tinatablan ng last day high. usually naha-high ako pag napapanood ko na yung finished film sa sinehan. dun ako nafu-fulfill.
kaya nung magpa-wrap party sina Direk for the pet project, parang mas gusto ko na lang umuwi. kasi pagod ako at inaantok na at hindi ako mahilig sa beer, at may shoot pa ko kinabukasan na alas-6 ang calltime. pero wala din, go pa din, alangan namang hindi ka lumusong sa tubig when you see everybody else enjoying the water, so laklak na rin ako kahit matagal ko nang tinalikuran ang San Mig Light. hay. Direk. dati crush kita.
naaalala ko nung gabing yon. in the middle of the happy San-Mig-soused crowd para syang spector sa mga mata ko. naka-pink, parang hindi gumagalaw. everywhere i look he would always be at the corner of my eye, kahit hindi ko sinasadya. those crush-ko-si-Direk days are long gone, but that night it was a happy memory. parang gusto kong i-relive kahit konti.
may Blessing-That-Came-A-Little-Too-Late moment na naman ako that night. kung dati, sa Landslide movie, i got to ride at the back of a tricycle beside him, this time around i got to ride a van in the same seat na kaming dalawa lang. haha. o di ba, at least umaasenso, dati tricycle lang, van na ngayon. pero wala lang yon. tinulugan ko lang ang biyahe. kasi naman, enough na siguro ang dalawang projects para ma-gets kong kagagahan talaga ang gawing fairy tale prince sa utak ko ang isang prinsesang katulad ni direk. gasgas na ang storya e. remember frog princess?
speaking of FG, may bago syang picture sa friendster. minsan naiisip ko kung kumusta na sya. sa lahat naman kasi ng bading na naging love ko, si FG ang talagang di ko malilimutan (naks. naiiyak ako, chos). for a moment we had the same world, and we could still have had the same world now, if i had chosen differently. ngayon feeling ko parang ibang iba na ang mundo nya. which is a little sad, cause being true-blue friends with him is something that i would consider a Blessing-That-Came-A-Little-Too-Late. too late, but a blessing still.
anyway.
last night natapos na rin ang shoot ng j@de movie. love ko si direk j@de, kasi isa sya sa pinakamabaiiiiit na direks na nakatrabaho ko. syempre hindi naman talaga mainstream setup ang j@de movie at iba ang dynamics ng relationship ko with the direk here compared to my relationships with my mainstream direks, but still. sometimes the job of a director can bring out a person's "bad" side, pero si j@de forever mabait. consistent. hindi nag-morph, ever. kung ano sya outside of the set, ganon pa rin ang timpla nya while at work.
sana magandang lumabas ang pelikulang to. personally, kasi first completed project ko din to as 1st AD. yey.
hay! for the next several days, ayoko munang mag-shoot.
the next shoot i'll be doing, creative ang nature ng trabaho. god-willing, knock on wood.
* * *
ambilis ng panahon. mid-june na. one year ago i just got back from vietnam. one year ago, parang naiin-love na ko nang hindi ko pa alam. haha. exagg. ten movies and three dozen dates later, here i am. pagod. pero masaya.
* * *
there was a funny moment yesterday. i accidentally flirted with one of our artistas, a guy who was to play a Gay Boyfriend to a supporting character named Mark. haha. "accidentally", because it wasn't intentional on my part. the words just tumbled out of my mouth.
after viewing the recorded take on the video monitor, i said to the guy, "Ang swerte naman ni Mark."
"Ha? Bakit?" the guy asked.
"Wala lang." i said sheepishly. There were half a dozen people around us, and most of those who guffawed were gays, kasi may taglay na lansa factor din ang artistang ito. haha.
later the direk asked me, "so type mo si ___?"
"ha? hindi.." i fumbled for words to say."cute lang sya, pero yun lang." and it was true. cause if i were still my single self i wouldn't have had the guts to tell a guy up front that he was cute. i wouldn't have had the guts to "flirt", unintentionally or otherwise. it would be too...unsafe. somehow being non-single becomes your safety belt--you know your "flirting" wouldn't be taken seriously or misconstrued, because everybody knows you're already in a relationship with someone.
haha! weird psychology.
i've been out of the house most days of the week for the past two weeks. i missed my bed. my laptopy. surfing the net for hours on end. sleeping and eating and sleeping again.
kasi dalawang projects ang nginarag na tapusin these past two weeks. kaya ngarag din ang buhay para sakin. waking up before sunrise, laboring til the next sunrise. pagod, puyat, init, sakit sa ulo. minsan naiinggit na tuloy ako sa mga taong-opisina. lagi silang mabango. hindi naiinitan sa de-aircon na kuwarto. pagdating ng alas-5, tapos na ang trabaho. minsan naiisip ko kung ano ba tong pinasok ko!
syempre hanggang reklamo lang ako. kasi hindi ko naman ipagpapalit to sa trabahong-opisina. kahit ba napaka-vain kong tao, at alam kong mabilis magpapangit ang nature ng trabaho ko. kaso minsan in your dreariest hours (usually mga alas-3 ng umaga, with a dozen sequences to go before packup), nagsasawa ka nang mangarag, pawisan, at magpakapuyat. euw, di ba. buti na lang natatapos ang isang proyekto. usually enough time na yon para sa kin para ma-desaturate, ma-dilute, at bumalik ang pagmamahal sa ginagawa ko.
this week dalawang pelikula ang natapos ang principal photography. yung baby project ni Direk at yung j@de movie. celebratory mode at packup time. beer, litson, kodakan, tawanan, congratulations and thank yous, hugs and besos. pero hindi ako tinatablan ng last day high. usually naha-high ako pag napapanood ko na yung finished film sa sinehan. dun ako nafu-fulfill.
kaya nung magpa-wrap party sina Direk for the pet project, parang mas gusto ko na lang umuwi. kasi pagod ako at inaantok na at hindi ako mahilig sa beer, at may shoot pa ko kinabukasan na alas-6 ang calltime. pero wala din, go pa din, alangan namang hindi ka lumusong sa tubig when you see everybody else enjoying the water, so laklak na rin ako kahit matagal ko nang tinalikuran ang San Mig Light. hay. Direk. dati crush kita.
naaalala ko nung gabing yon. in the middle of the happy San-Mig-soused crowd para syang spector sa mga mata ko. naka-pink, parang hindi gumagalaw. everywhere i look he would always be at the corner of my eye, kahit hindi ko sinasadya. those crush-ko-si-Direk days are long gone, but that night it was a happy memory. parang gusto kong i-relive kahit konti.
may Blessing-That-Came-A-Little-Too-Late moment na naman ako that night. kung dati, sa Landslide movie, i got to ride at the back of a tricycle beside him, this time around i got to ride a van in the same seat na kaming dalawa lang. haha. o di ba, at least umaasenso, dati tricycle lang, van na ngayon. pero wala lang yon. tinulugan ko lang ang biyahe. kasi naman, enough na siguro ang dalawang projects para ma-gets kong kagagahan talaga ang gawing fairy tale prince sa utak ko ang isang prinsesang katulad ni direk. gasgas na ang storya e. remember frog princess?
speaking of FG, may bago syang picture sa friendster. minsan naiisip ko kung kumusta na sya. sa lahat naman kasi ng bading na naging love ko, si FG ang talagang di ko malilimutan (naks. naiiyak ako, chos). for a moment we had the same world, and we could still have had the same world now, if i had chosen differently. ngayon feeling ko parang ibang iba na ang mundo nya. which is a little sad, cause being true-blue friends with him is something that i would consider a Blessing-That-Came-A-Little-Too-Late. too late, but a blessing still.
anyway.
last night natapos na rin ang shoot ng j@de movie. love ko si direk j@de, kasi isa sya sa pinakamabaiiiiit na direks na nakatrabaho ko. syempre hindi naman talaga mainstream setup ang j@de movie at iba ang dynamics ng relationship ko with the direk here compared to my relationships with my mainstream direks, but still. sometimes the job of a director can bring out a person's "bad" side, pero si j@de forever mabait. consistent. hindi nag-morph, ever. kung ano sya outside of the set, ganon pa rin ang timpla nya while at work.
sana magandang lumabas ang pelikulang to. personally, kasi first completed project ko din to as 1st AD. yey.
hay! for the next several days, ayoko munang mag-shoot.
the next shoot i'll be doing, creative ang nature ng trabaho. god-willing, knock on wood.
* * *
ambilis ng panahon. mid-june na. one year ago i just got back from vietnam. one year ago, parang naiin-love na ko nang hindi ko pa alam. haha. exagg. ten movies and three dozen dates later, here i am. pagod. pero masaya.
* * *
there was a funny moment yesterday. i accidentally flirted with one of our artistas, a guy who was to play a Gay Boyfriend to a supporting character named Mark. haha. "accidentally", because it wasn't intentional on my part. the words just tumbled out of my mouth.
after viewing the recorded take on the video monitor, i said to the guy, "Ang swerte naman ni Mark."
"Ha? Bakit?" the guy asked.
"Wala lang." i said sheepishly. There were half a dozen people around us, and most of those who guffawed were gays, kasi may taglay na lansa factor din ang artistang ito. haha.
later the direk asked me, "so type mo si ___?"
"ha? hindi.." i fumbled for words to say."cute lang sya, pero yun lang." and it was true. cause if i were still my single self i wouldn't have had the guts to tell a guy up front that he was cute. i wouldn't have had the guts to "flirt", unintentionally or otherwise. it would be too...unsafe. somehow being non-single becomes your safety belt--you know your "flirting" wouldn't be taken seriously or misconstrued, because everybody knows you're already in a relationship with someone.
haha! weird psychology.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
back in the loop!
wow. i missed this.
i've had no internet connection for weeks. my only pc at home, Laptopy (haha! what name could be lamer for a laptop?), got sick. thank god for people who are always there to help when it comes to stuff like these. konting convalescing period na lang si Laptopy, ok na sya. at araw-araw na rin siguro akong magba-blog! haha.
these days, haggard. we've been shooting the Direk's film. every shooting day would see us working for 24 hours straight. dreary. honestly, despite my youth (haha! naks), there were moments when i felt like i'd be near collapsing. sa antok. sa pagod. sa init. shet, ang init sa location. we've been shooting inside a room that was so dang hot it could double for a sauna.
all in the name of love. for the art. for the direk. for the job.
hay. sana naman sa next project bumawi-bawi ang langit sa akin.
yey. ipapalabas na ang @ngels movie sa june 20. premiere nyt din ng first project ko with the direk this tuesday. sayaaang. may shoot kami for the j@de movie. sa lahat ng projects ko in the past two months, favorite ko talagang katrabaho ang mga tropapips sa j@de movie. hay. matatapos din natin to, pero mamimiss ko kayo! huhuhu!
in a matter of fifteen minutes i have to attend a concert. things are happening so fast i hardly have time to jot them all down, but let's just say that these days i'm really, really happy. life ain't perfect, but i'm thankful enough for what i have now.
at least i don't have chicken pox. haha. knock on wood!
i've had no internet connection for weeks. my only pc at home, Laptopy (haha! what name could be lamer for a laptop?), got sick. thank god for people who are always there to help when it comes to stuff like these. konting convalescing period na lang si Laptopy, ok na sya. at araw-araw na rin siguro akong magba-blog! haha.
these days, haggard. we've been shooting the Direk's film. every shooting day would see us working for 24 hours straight. dreary. honestly, despite my youth (haha! naks), there were moments when i felt like i'd be near collapsing. sa antok. sa pagod. sa init. shet, ang init sa location. we've been shooting inside a room that was so dang hot it could double for a sauna.
all in the name of love. for the art. for the direk. for the job.
hay. sana naman sa next project bumawi-bawi ang langit sa akin.
yey. ipapalabas na ang @ngels movie sa june 20. premiere nyt din ng first project ko with the direk this tuesday. sayaaang. may shoot kami for the j@de movie. sa lahat ng projects ko in the past two months, favorite ko talagang katrabaho ang mga tropapips sa j@de movie. hay. matatapos din natin to, pero mamimiss ko kayo! huhuhu!
in a matter of fifteen minutes i have to attend a concert. things are happening so fast i hardly have time to jot them all down, but let's just say that these days i'm really, really happy. life ain't perfect, but i'm thankful enough for what i have now.
at least i don't have chicken pox. haha. knock on wood!
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