tired on a work-free night

finally, free time.
i've been out of the house most days of the week for the past two weeks. i missed my bed. my laptopy. surfing the net for hours on end. sleeping and eating and sleeping again.

kasi dalawang projects ang nginarag na tapusin these past two weeks. kaya ngarag din ang buhay para sakin. waking up before sunrise, laboring til the next sunrise. pagod, puyat, init, sakit sa ulo. minsan naiinggit na tuloy ako sa mga taong-opisina. lagi silang mabango. hindi naiinitan sa de-aircon na kuwarto. pagdating ng alas-5, tapos na ang trabaho. minsan naiisip ko kung ano ba tong pinasok ko!

syempre hanggang reklamo lang ako. kasi hindi ko naman ipagpapalit to sa trabahong-opisina. kahit ba napaka-vain kong tao, at alam kong mabilis magpapangit ang nature ng trabaho ko. kaso minsan in your dreariest hours (usually mga alas-3 ng umaga, with a dozen sequences to go before packup), nagsasawa ka nang mangarag, pawisan, at magpakapuyat. euw, di ba. buti na lang natatapos ang isang proyekto. usually enough time na yon para sa kin para ma-desaturate, ma-dilute, at bumalik ang pagmamahal sa ginagawa ko.

this week dalawang pelikula ang natapos ang principal photography. yung baby project ni Direk at yung j@de movie. celebratory mode at packup time. beer, litson, kodakan, tawanan, congratulations and thank yous, hugs and besos. pero hindi ako tinatablan ng last day high. usually naha-high ako pag napapanood ko na yung finished film sa sinehan. dun ako nafu-fulfill.

kaya nung magpa-wrap party sina Direk for the pet project, parang mas gusto ko na lang umuwi. kasi pagod ako at inaantok na at hindi ako mahilig sa beer, at may shoot pa ko kinabukasan na alas-6 ang calltime. pero wala din, go pa din, alangan namang hindi ka lumusong sa tubig when you see everybody else enjoying the water, so laklak na rin ako kahit matagal ko nang tinalikuran ang San Mig Light. hay. Direk. dati crush kita.

naaalala ko nung gabing yon. in the middle of the happy San-Mig-soused crowd para syang spector sa mga mata ko. naka-pink, parang hindi gumagalaw. everywhere i look he would always be at the corner of my eye, kahit hindi ko sinasadya. those crush-ko-si-Direk days are long gone, but that night it was a happy memory. parang gusto kong i-relive kahit konti.

may Blessing-That-Came-A-Little-Too-Late moment na naman ako that night. kung dati, sa Landslide movie, i got to ride at the back of a tricycle beside him, this time around i got to ride a van in the same seat na kaming dalawa lang. haha. o di ba, at least umaasenso, dati tricycle lang, van na ngayon. pero wala lang yon. tinulugan ko lang ang biyahe. kasi naman, enough na siguro ang dalawang projects para ma-gets kong kagagahan talaga ang gawing fairy tale prince sa utak ko ang isang prinsesang katulad ni direk. gasgas na ang storya e. remember frog princess?

speaking of FG, may bago syang picture sa friendster. minsan naiisip ko kung kumusta na sya. sa lahat naman kasi ng bading na naging love ko, si FG ang talagang di ko malilimutan (naks. naiiyak ako, chos). for a moment we had the same world, and we could still have had the same world now, if i had chosen differently. ngayon feeling ko parang ibang iba na ang mundo nya. which is a little sad, cause being true-blue friends with him is something that i would consider a Blessing-That-Came-A-Little-Too-Late. too late, but a blessing still.

anyway.

last night natapos na rin ang shoot ng j@de movie. love ko si direk j@de, kasi isa sya sa pinakamabaiiiiit na direks na nakatrabaho ko. syempre hindi naman talaga mainstream setup ang j@de movie at iba ang dynamics ng relationship ko with the direk here compared to my relationships with my mainstream direks, but still. sometimes the job of a director can bring out a person's "bad" side, pero si j@de forever mabait. consistent. hindi nag-morph, ever. kung ano sya outside of the set, ganon pa rin ang timpla nya while at work.

sana magandang lumabas ang pelikulang to. personally, kasi first completed project ko din to as 1st AD. yey.

hay! for the next several days, ayoko munang mag-shoot.
the next shoot i'll be doing, creative ang nature ng trabaho. god-willing, knock on wood.

* * *

ambilis ng panahon. mid-june na. one year ago i just got back from vietnam. one year ago, parang naiin-love na ko nang hindi ko pa alam. haha. exagg. ten movies and three dozen dates later, here i am. pagod. pero masaya.

* * *

there was a funny moment yesterday. i accidentally flirted with one of our artistas, a guy who was to play a Gay Boyfriend to a supporting character named Mark. haha. "accidentally", because it wasn't intentional on my part. the words just tumbled out of my mouth.

after viewing the recorded take on the video monitor, i said to the guy, "Ang swerte naman ni Mark."
"Ha? Bakit?" the guy asked.
"Wala lang." i said sheepishly. There were half a dozen people around us, and most of those who guffawed were gays, kasi may taglay na lansa factor din ang artistang ito. haha.

later the direk asked me, "so type mo si ___?"
"ha? hindi.." i fumbled for words to say."cute lang sya, pero yun lang." and it was true. cause if i were still my single self i wouldn't have had the guts to tell a guy up front that he was cute. i wouldn't have had the guts to "flirt", unintentionally or otherwise. it would be too...unsafe. somehow being non-single becomes your safety belt--you know your "flirting" wouldn't be taken seriously or misconstrued, because everybody knows you're already in a relationship with someone.

haha! weird psychology.