crazy-beautiful

when you feel like you've got nothing to lose, you're more predisposed towards doing something "crazy".

"crazy", meaning something that you're not likely to do on your "normal" mode. like going on an unplanned adventure with only P100 on you. or trying out a different shade of eyeshadow for all the world to see. or randomly emailing your resume for a corporate job.

and when you've done such things, things that are new, things that are Not In The So-Called Plan, you find yourself being shaken out of your stupor. you feel good. a liberating kind of good.

now i have memories of surviving marikina riverbanks on P100. and realized that brown eyeshadow doesn't look too bad on my eyes. and suddenly, i have a job interview on monday.

see, all these are not in the plan. but doing them just for the sake of doing them--right there, right then, for no other primary goal besides SHAKING myself out of this gawddang stupor--somehow injected a dint of life into me again.

i feel wonderful, crazy-beautiful.