God loves a cheerful giver...

...and that's one of my realizations for 2019. I should give more. Because I've been given a lot. And the only way to repay God for His kindness is by paying it forward.

And it doesn't have to be money. I can also give time, which is actually more valuable. Also knowledge, which doesn't really cost me anything, so I give it willingly to whomever asks for it. Effort, too. Sabi nila, kapag generous ka, hindi ka pababayaan. I believe that, but I want to give primarily out of gratitude for what I've been given. At dahil gusto kong maghanda para sa next life. Haha.

I grew up an only child, laging pinagbibigyan, sanay na solo ang lahat-- I was not raised as a selfless person. Kaya I try to consciously veer away from that upbringing.  At kahit only child din ang anak ko, I want her to grow up to be generous and selfless as well. So I try to teach by example. It's a work in progress. Because I don't recognize the opportunity to give all the time, but I really hope na makalakihan yon ng anak ko.

Bakit ko ba sinasabi ito? Wala lang. Baka lang makalimutan ko. Na nagsimula sa taong ito ang... well, in a way, spiritual journey ko. Nagbalik loob ako sa simbahan. I've gone back to mass every Sunday, primarily for my daughter. Teach by example. At pati husband ko, sumasama na rin. And I really appreciate that, kahit hindi sya ma-dasal na tao, I know he is doing it for Audrey.

It might be ritualistic for some, but going to church has its rewards for me. Well, it's a way of giving back to God-- 2 hours of your life every week is a small thing to ask, really-- but I like going to mass too dahil that's when I get advice. Kapag nagdadasal ako. Advice about life, direction, purpose, all that. I don't have the answers, I don't know everything even when it comes to me or where I'm supposed to be, kaya I turn to God. Walk by faith na lang.

I'm by no means a religious person. But I need a personal relationship with God. Itong buhay natin dito,  this is just a pitstop. The real life is the next life, and I want to go to heaven, and I want to be there with the people I love. Ayoko sa baba. Mainit dun. Hehe.

So wala lang. Naisip ko lang. I want to give whenever I can. Minsan, mahirap, sacrifice, pero iniisip ko lagi na dapat grateful ako. Dapat other-centered.  I don't have a lot of liquid money right now, kaya yun ang pinakamahirap ibigay madalas, but I just need to remember: God loves a cheerful giver. God is also a giver, and giving to others is my way of thanking Him.