mundane little insomniac thoughts

zzzzz.
3:30 am, gawdangit.
sometimes, the harder you try the more you can't.
but i've been carrying that motto in the back of my mind for too long.
if i can't, maybe i just have to try harder.
so i'm gonna try to get some sleep now.

as if naman susunod ang matigas na ulong 'to. grrrrrr.

two days ago i (re)read a short story about a young girl who loses her virginity to a carabao. haha. not the kind of sex that you might think, nothing physical. she walks in the middle of a (literally) hot night onto the open rice fields, finds a small river, and goes for a dip. then she sees this carabao nearby, supine, watching her with heavy-lidded eyes. 'what beautiful dark lashes, she thinks.' and what a 'wicked eye'. and then she starts to swirl round and round through the water, feeling herself change, 'like eggshells breaking'. breaking and unbreaking. split apart and then made whole again.

and all that, because of a carabao.

the metaphor was beautiful. classic (which could sometimes translate to "cliche"; haller, freud) but effective. so the idea popped into this cloudy brain one time, that maybe i can try translating this story onscreen. it'd be logistically and financially easy to make, and it was written by a Filipina author. (Tina Ocampo, was that her name?)

but i'm starting to wonder if the images would come out as powerful as those words. so that means whoever should attempt to translate this onto the audiovisual medium would have that weighty responsibility--to achieve the same whangdang impact that the written piece had on a passing audience, like me.

hmm. let me sleep on it. and let me rearrange priorities. ano ba talagang mas importanteng unahin? ano ba talagang dapat munang isipin?

how to make myself fall asleep, maybe. for now.
and then, maybe trying to get some of those long voluminous bangs on me tomorrow.
but before that, breakfast. yum!
and the mundane little insomniac thoughts can go on and on and on.