rainy days and mondays

a monday. a rainy day.

sometimes i like to stare into space. and think of lost tomorrows. or tomorrows that i wouldn't want to lose. can't lose this one. i've lost one too many in the past two years.

sometimes i glance at you. and wonder if you're not as clueless as i think you are. if those ironic movie-ish moments weren't so ironic, after all. you've seen these things before. maybe you're even better at pretending than i am.

sometimes i look at you. for a moment longer. and marvel at how, in an alternate universe, you could have been The One that Got Away. but in either universe i know that there wouldn't be any difference in the way you would see me. so i always end up concluding that, maybe, i'd be better off in this universe after all. the reality of someone who simply couldn't love you would hurt less than that of someone who just wouldn't.

somehow i've always managed to draw some happiness out of everyday that you'd be around, but today is not one of those days. must be the rain. must be a lot of other reasons. but i was amused by the possible reality that nearly everyone in that table might actually be in love with you. haha. if that indeed is the case, i'll bet you probably know that as well.

three months ago during a summer storm i wondered aloud why rainy days would make me sad. you humored me. "rainy days and mondays?" you probably won't even remember you said that. but i'd always remember that phrase, everytime it rains, everytime the sadness gets to me. rainy days and mondays, haha. no thanks to you.

i look at you today and marvel. i've been this way for months now, what is it about you? and then i notice the unusual shade of rouge on your cheeks. uh-oh. is that what i think it is?

i look away and turn my thoughts to other things. maybe i'm mistaken, maybe i'm not. it wouldn't make a difference anyway. tinted cheeks or not, reality will still be the same. and believe me, i've come to live with it. how stupid can anyone get.

i'd laugh about it on normal days. i'd wanted this movie to be a romantic comedy. but it's monday, and a rainy day, yet again. it's harder to laugh than on any other normal day.