summer sunshine

my last day off before the Big BaBye. and just when the end is so near the days just tend to keep...plodding along. going and going and going.

this morning i came from a 10-hour shift at the Control Room and went straight to the Piecing-It-Together phase. it was a loooong night with so many things happening nearly all at the same time and i had to finish piecing together all the stories ASAP. no deadlines. just ASAP.

which was friggin hard when your body at the moment just wouldn't friggin cooperate. despite the extra-joss-and-coffee mix you'd taken in some hours earlier. a ten-minute break from the waking world was what it demanded. so you sleep. bakit kasi hindi na lang ako adik para dilat ako buong magdamag maghapon.

it was dreary in there, working with only completion in mind, not giving enough thought or care as to whether you're still making sense or not. of course you have to make sense. but you don't nurture each baby with the same semblance-of-TLC that you used to give. can't afford it. i never could afford it anyway. so every item i piece in was something from the assembly line. nakapila for the cutting room. which is what they only ask of you. they don't ask for passion. they only require results. the pinis pradak. delivered quick and ASAP.

12 in the afternoon and three more stories to go. i'd completed five in a span of four hours, but root of the matter was that i still wasn't done. and so every second kept pressing on.

the princess showed up. he helped me out. i would've hugged him for it. when the Mother Goose came in to give him a kiss, i asked, "Ako, walang kiss?" The Mother Goose obligingly gave me three--mwahmwahmwah--but i wasn't asking for a kiss from her, i was asking from HIM. haha. silent inside joke between me and myself.

and then i was left alone with the princess, us working on our own stories. coming from the dreary dark fiery emotions of the past twenty hours his presence was sunshine to the soul. but crunch time is crunch time, let's set aside the choco crunchies time for later. galit galit muna, tumawa ka muna dyang mag-isa. gudda do what we gudda do, and so the seconds pressed on.

when i was done by 3 pm i didn't want to leave just yet. i wanted to bask in the sunshine that was overshadowing the memory of my past twenty hours. i needed it, because it kept me healthy. it neutralized the negativity that was building up in me. i needed laughs. and he was one of those few people in da premises that could bring me that. him and his acerbic wit, him and his hirits. the stuff that we laugh about. the idiosyncrasies-to-poke-fun-at. if there was anything i'd learned in the twenty hours that had passed it would've been the Art of Distrust, but he makes me want to make exceptions. i didn't fully trust him, but at least i trusted him more than most others in that place.

if there must absolutely be someplace to go, then i would choose a safe place. and you are that.

four days, going on three. and then an immediate segue to another world. barely have time to breathe. barely have time to go on a beach vacation. sana ma-move naman ang grind date. sana kahit mga isang linggo. for me to unwind a bit, then get ready to wind myself back up again.

barely have the time to do preprod work. but i must. because the next one might be more vital to the master plan than i probably think.

fg used to be my bright spot during those kiligtopia days. now he's plain sunshine, period. it's so beautiful to lurve someone who's so innocent and clueless about your feelings. lurve, not in the same way as before, not with the same expectations. but lurve, nonetheless. i'll miss you when this is over.