one sign that you're over someone is when you see him online on ym and you don't feel the compulsion to type in a "hi". wahoo. i've been in this phase before. i wonder if i'll be going back full circle.
hindi ko alam kung instinct ba yon, or plain logic lang, but there are certain cases when i just plain FEEL that someone is wrong, that someone shouldn't be trusted, and yet he seems relatively more interesting than the ones who can probably be categorized as "nice" and "trustworthy". bad boy syndrome ba ito, hindi rin, kasi narinig ko na yan, and i never really could get it why girls would want to be with guys who'd trash motels, pick fights, or plain emanate rebel-like angst (i'd pick the wholesome-looking, unthreatening, bespectacled ones over those types any old time). maybe flattery. because the wrong ones are usually the ones who know the right words to say. kahit alam mong "style" lang, at maaring ginagamit din nila sa iba, kahit alam mong "put on" lang at hindi naman talaga yon ang tunay na sila, flattered ka pa rin. at hindi mo alam kung bakit.
hindi mo rin naman masabi na dahil gusto mo sila in the same level na gusto mo yung (Eternally) Ideal Guy na kaytagal mo nang pinapangarap na piliin kang maging ina ng mga anak nya. basta flattered ka lang. at nakakatawang nakakatakot, dahil baka pag di ka nag-ingat eh mag-evolve into something else ang flattery nang di mo namamalayan.
argh.
pero madalas may mga moments na matatauhan ka, at maiisip mong---hello? ilang taon ka na ba, 13? may utak ka naman, at may tenga ka naman, at alam mo base sa mga naririnig mo (straight from the horse's mouth pa nga minsan) na tanga na lang ang magpadala sa devil's machination that is flattery. ba't di ka ma-flatter sa mga pagpapa-cute ng mga tamang tao? ba't dun pa sa mali at alam mo namang may pagkagago? at ang totoo eh wala ka namang rason para ma-flatter, dahil di naman sya ganon ka-OK. di naman sya ganon ka-special.
yun yun e.
inevitably i always lapse back into those thoughts. which is quite a relief, actually.
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