Saturday, July 11, 2009

wide awake at 7:42 am (on me, me, me mode)

which is no big deal, if you just woke up. but i'd been up since yesterday, at around 3 pm. just finished a script and did a photofinish submission. pagod na ang katawan ko, pero gising na gising pa rin ang utak ko.

no big deal ang me, me, me. because i'm in my 20s (may one year pa ko, hehe). the me years. yey. so sorry there.

i'm not even feeling physically well. i'm starting to get really scared of swine flu. ayokong magka-swine flu. kasi wala akong ipambabayad sa hospital, kung sakali. july has been a financially challenging month, with the other show being on hiatus (from our team), and with lots of necessities to shell out on. argh.

ginawa ko na lahat.
uminom ng soup.
uminom ng bioflu.
nagyosi.
at eto, magba-blog.

sana may productive naman akong gawin. sana naman di ba.

parang ganito ba si mj? am i tortured by anything? why have i been missing out on sleep lately? why can't i be asleep like a baby by 2 in the morning?

actually, screwed up lang ang body clock ko. buo naman ang tulog ko, kaso ang goodnight sa akin, umaga. ang good morning, hapon. which just sucks if you're in this part of the world. you miss out on a normal day's worth of events.

all the more that it sucks when you have a long day ahead, and are required to be up before 2 pm. it's almost 8 am, and dang. your head aches when you don't have enough sleep. which is something that i'm not looking forward to. because the two meetings today require a sound, functioning mind. lord, sana magkahimala. sana manggaling sa kapuyatan ang creative and organizational energy ko.

sana lord, magkahimala.
sana din lord, wala akong swine flu, at praning lang ako.
sana din, makatulog na ko soon. waah.

isa pang ka-angst-angst: dahil sa trabaho, bosobear day may have to be postponed today. well, not complaining, really. gusto mo ng pera, magtrabaho ka. make it your priority. kaya hindi ako nagko-complain. kaso i had my mind all set for a weekend off.

and now, the other show beckons. okay. bring it on. we need the moolah anyway.
i've been real tired lately. it's the screwed up body clock. sana, magkamilagro at bumalik ako sa "fresh into creative work" mode. para buhay pa. para dumadaloy ang dugo, at bumubulwak-bulwak pa.

nakakatawa lang yung isang picture ni obama na nakita ko sa internet. that one with him and the french president seeming to check out a girl's butt. kadiri pa yung expression sa mukha nya e--parang natatakam. hahaha. but a video of that actual event was shown, hindi naman pala. pictures can be so deceiving sometimes. even real life can be so deceiving sometimes.

naaawa ako sa isang kasama.
well, i vacillate between awa and inis. naaawa ako pag may nangyayaring katulad nung kagabi. pero naiinis ako once he starts talking. cause he won't stop!

especially when he starts talking about himself. whoa. i tune out. i switch channels. pero hanggang dun lang naman ang inis ko. and i share this inis with others, peron nothing personal.

naaawa lang ako pag nararamdaman akong feeling nya, ostracized sya. cause i've known the feeling of what it's like to be ostracized. at kahit justified man o hindi, my heart goes out to anyone who at any point in their lives have felt that way. unless murderers sila. or rapists.

ayan na, nararamdaman ko na. morpheus is at my door. take me, o take me, but remember to bring me back home.

i miss bosobear. waaah. i realized just last night (while watching footage of him on my phone) that there's an amiable innocence in that face of his. the way his eyes move, the way he looks at people. mukha siyang mabait. unlike me. mwaha.

well. looks can be deceiving. haha. gusto kong isipin na lang yon. kasi in deep, parang naive pa ata ako. bordering on tanga, sometimes. gusto ko namang maniwalang matalino ako, na pwedeng mangyari na ang isang tao could be tanga and matalino at the same time, pero kung hindi naman...parang okay lang. between mabait and matalino, siguro mas gugustuhin ko na lang maging mabait. mainit sa impyerno e. di na nga ako makatulog.

wala nang sense ang pinagsasabi ko.
gusto kong kumain ng almusal.

i miss my blog entries of 2006. i sounded less stupid then.
and i was using the english language more fluently. ngayon, jologs ako. hindi maikakailang pusakal. walang breeding.

pakinangsyet. good nightzzz poh.

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