the challenge of doing what you're meant to do, it's always there. sharpening your memory. concentrating on what needs to be remembered. and why.
but somehow at some point you will be compelled to wonder if you're not doing enough. that maybe, you oughtta not be just standing by and remembering, offering some physical assistance whenever the person-in-charge-of-the-certain-task is not within immediate reach. wouldn't want to unwittingly insult anyone by doing their work (just as i wouldn't want them to do the same to me), but still, moments will come that you will be compelled to rethink. maybe i should be doing more.
maybe i would. if i could put in something extra on top of doing my designated job well, then why not. anything to get the scene shot as soon as possible, right.
right.
and then there's the...personal stuff. somehow when it comes to the occupants of the "presidential table" during meal breaks, i clam up. go on introvert mode. i'm open and chummy with the rest of the team, but i'm finding it hard to treat the foreigners in the same sociable way that i would treat my fellow pinoys. i'm just...ilang. not because they're foreigners but for some other reason that makes me somehow hate myself. just a little bit more, each day.
eccentric beeyatch.
and they probably sense it. especially the Leader of the Tribe. he'd be the first to sense because of all the members of that Tribe he's the one I work with in closest proximity.
i'm bothered by that. somewhat bothered by that. makes me almost wish that we could get this project done and over with. i enjoy it but somehow the black spot is getting bigger each day. i'm alienating myself to the person that i should be closely working with. a no-no. being professional doesn't necessarily mean you can't be congenial. i can mingle with all kinds of people under ordinary circumstances, but these are not exactly ordinary times. i've been colored with guilt. can't treat them as friends, because i'm afraid they would find out my little secret.
well, not that the "secret" is so totally true. not really. not anymore. i was just a vulnerable soul back then. the wakeup calls are always there everyday to shake me out of it.
another early, early day tomorrow. have to go to bed now. i wish i could just be as normal as possible whenever he's around.
3 comments:
Is your secret past so major that just the possible threat of exposure is enough to taint your present?
I mean, what if by the end of the shoot, no one has found out? Then your whole working experience with that person would have been less than ideal for no real reason. Sayang naman.
Why not just deal with the problem when and if it actually does arise? No sense borrowing trouble from tomorrow; today has enough troubles of its own...
Just my unsolicited $0.02. hehe!
sound advice, sister! you should write an advice-column. ;-) well, not that the so-called "secret" is the prime reason for my, er, aloofness, it's just one of them. complicated, long story. but i believe that nothing is irreversible at this point. relationships evolve. so i'm playing it by ear this time. :-)
thanks for the 2 cents' worth though. i AM serious about that advice column. ;-)
Haha! Thanks for the compliment, but the only reason I have thoughts to share about this situation is because I've faced it before myself.
I'm not qualified to give advice for other aspects of life! ;-P
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