Sunday, December 25, 2005

christmas scroogette (for a nanosecond)

christmas morning. crisp cold air, warm coffee, last night's Noche Buena leftovers for breakfast, and work to start on. my, my, this newborn lark just couldn't wait to get on with her day.

and then, at the door of the next-door-neighbor, little voices call out "Mamamasko po!" in unison. that's when i remember. this IS the day when they come in hoards at your doorstep. most of them are faces and names you hardly remember, some of them who now remember you all of a sudden, after an entire year of being, what, invisible.

godchildren and their parents. mamamasko po. sigh! bah humbug!

not that i mind giving pamasko in the form of cash or gifts. it's a pleasure to be a giver to the people i love. close friends and family. but when you've been blessed with five or six godchildren at the age of 25 (i know, di pa marami yon, but that's just about enough for me, please), being someone's godparent tends to become a somewhat expensive role. quite frankly, it bleeds me dry. every christmas. i've only included one of the five or six godchildren (that one godchild is the only one i'm close with) in the christmas shopping budget; the rest, that means, will automatically receive cash.

it's ok if i'm, like, filthy rich. it's christmas, after all (scrooooooge! scroooooge!). but at my state right now, with the next income-generating project still in the hazy horizon, and a month ahead to scrimp on what's left of the once-secure savings account, you can't blame me for being tempted to make "tago". go out of the house--anywhere but here!--and pass the day away til the semi-anonymous godchildren finish their rounds of "mamamasko po".

makes me wish i were just a kid again. back then i was the one collecting the presents and aginaldos. i was the one who would get up early in the morning to begin my rounds (towed by my parents, of course--having the folks with you kinda "legitimizes" your quest and results in bigger aginaldos, compared to when your on your own or with other kids). now i'm the one who has to give the presents and aginaldos. haha. what goes around, comes around, so they say.

one other major difference between now and then was that, as a kid, money didn't have as much value to me as it does now. i was well-provided for by my parents, i had no big needs beyond the occasional toy or candies i'd ask them to buy for me, didn't have to worry about earning, spending, or saving up. now that i'm this (big, bad) adult earning my own dough and struggling to be financially independent from my parents as much as possible, i find that money is, actually, of big consequence to my daily life. ESPECIALLY during christmas.

(sidenote:ano ba yan...di lang pala ko scrooge, silas marner parin pala! haha!)

cause that's when the godchildren (and their parents) come in hoards. like ghosts of christmas past. tots with faces and names you hardly remember, children of distant relatives or casual acquaintances who, by God-knows-what inspiration that came over them, bestowed on you the privilege/duty of being godparent to their children.

that's so weird, you know. i'd always thought that you would want to entrust your child to a person you're close to. or someone whom you know would, in case anything happened to you, take your child as if it were her own. in most godparenting cases i've had, i don't think i fit that profile. how can i treat a child as if s/he were my own if i hardly see him/her, hardly know him/her, and in worst cases, hardly even know his/her parents? duh. why do they choose me??

that's just the thing about godparenting in this culture. you have no choice. when someone asks you to be godparent to their child, i've been taught not to say no. to decline would be to turn your back on some sort of a "blessing". or a holy duty. or a privilege. whatever. okay lang naman kung malapit talaga ako sa magulang. because i have this thing about giving people gifts/aginaldos out of my own free will, not out of duty or responsibility.

hay.

i can still hear the little voices in the distance. my, do they start the day early. and with a practiced in-unison "Mamamasko po!" to boot. i wonder if they have flyers? even the most dogged aginaldo-seekers of my generation weren't that organized.

geez, i'm so bad. i know i'm just rambling...again. christmas scroogette that i friggin am. despite all that, though, i have every reason to thank God for this Christmas, and the past three Christmases that i've had as a member of the work force. despite the occasional bumps-on-the-road of the past year, God has been very good to me and my family. yet another year of us all being intact, healthy, and happy.

i'm blessed. hmmm. maybe that's a reason to stay home for today. and brave the barrage of "mamamasko po"'s. maybe, just maybe, one way to thank God for the little everyday gifts of the past three years is to share it with others (haha! cliche na to ha). kahit depleted na ang savings account (God will provide!). kahit hindi ko mamukhaan ang batang humihingi ng aginaldo sa harap ko. amazing. honestly, i've only thought of that enlightening little thought as i was writing this entry (finally...light!). so the demons finally went away, eh.

God will provide. I have faith in that. so bring it on, mga inaanaks, mga kumares/kumpares. God will provide for all of us this Christmas!

well. first visitor for the day: my unemployed uncle with his forlorn little girl. she's not my inaanak, and i remember her well, but what the heck. maybe what small amount i can give would kick off their aginaldo-seeking day to a good start.

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