learning to take the blame

thanks to a long taxing day yesterday, i wasn't able to go to work today.

i feel bad about it. like how i feel a little bit bad about a few other things.

lost my phone the other night at work. losing your saved contact numbers could make your life a little more difficult than normal. bahala na ang diyos sa culprit.

i dreamed last night. and they weren't good dreams. my laptop had a somekinduva short circuit on the set. it caused a lot of damage and delay to the production. my director was hostile and the producer wanted to fire me. the last few seconds of that dream i realized that i was only dreaming. and then, soon enough, i returned to the surface. alarm clock ringing, it was time to go to work, but my entire being felt like hot lead. i felt like i was burning up, from fever or drowsiness i couldn't tell, but every cell in my body was screaming GET US BACK TO BED, TAO LANG PO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO TOLERATE THE ABUSE THIS TIME.

and so i had to relent. and i feel really bad about it. maybe it's just a matter of time management on my part. maybe if i had learned to prioritize things then maybe i wouldn't have gotten these nasty colds-and-coughs. i should stop blaming everybody else for my own faults. like that phone. and my absence today. even the fact that my nose is congested and my lungs are aching from all this coughing. gets mo, bluey? claiming responsibility for your actions is what i'm saying.

i'm going to work still. after lunch, do a half-day. at least i'd have missed only half of what was shot today.