i ought to try not sleeping for 48 hours straight, like what i had to do when we were shooting the short film. or when i was still writing for that kilig chorva, feeding myself sugar, caffeine, and nicotine from extra joss, instant coffee, and yosis i had turned to for comfort, each time i had to come up with an 18-page audio-video script overnight.
nah. that was, what, so many lifetimes ago. i've been through a handful of experiences since then. the fil-am movie, the short film, the parties, the new acquaintances/friends. i've evolved into a different person somehow. not quite the same as i had been before.
so what's to fear? the 6:30 pm shoot tonight that i have yet to prepare for? the lack of good locations to find within the limited timeframe? the assignment that has yet to shoot and write itself in time for saturday? the physical fatigue that i'm starting to feel after these 48 hours? the fumes and the flaws, the height of non-reason, my impractical decisions, the need to rely on no one else but myself, the emotional highs that i stubbornly seek in the wrongest, most futile places?
nothing. maybe i'm just tired and sleepy. i haven't had sleep and i wonder what's friggin keeping me.
the work, above all else. next to the dream, that is. but everything else is just in the periphery.
focus, beeyatch, focus!
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