deal, or no deal?

another one of those low energy days. requirements to rush for our film, gee-gee at waterina; somehow i managed to drag myself around and accomplish all of them today.

feeling low. hindi ko mapinpoint kung anong root cause, basta matamlay lang ang mga araw lately. hindi rin naman dahil ngarag sa film shoots, dahil thrice a week lang naman yun. ewan.

so buong araw ganito, until something happened. i thought of doing something that i normally wouldn't do. suddenly i was no longer feeling low, i was feeling a bit anxious. what if wrong move sya? what if hindi maganda ang magiging resulta? but a ym-versation with a friend last night had somehow convinced me that maybe i've been pulling on the ropes too taut. be forewarned, she told me. she'd been in this situation before.

it's weird, considering na hindi naman ako ganon kaapektado sa isyung to, pero medyo matagal ko ding pinag-isipan kung gagawin ko ba o hindi. tinext ko pa ang isa kong kaibigan: "choose your answer. deal, or no deal?"

pag deal, gagawin ko. pag no deal, hindi. meaning i shouldn't compromise, because the results wouldn't be good.

"deal!" the friend replied, without a clue as to what the answer is for.

okay.

it took some time for me to finally do it. as i waited for the consequences of my action, pababa na naman nang pababa ang energy ko. so much so that i wanted to go to bed and and kiss the world goodnight at 6 pm. i thought to myself, baka nga mali ang ginawa ko. napalitan ang lungkot ng inis. the silence legitimizes my suspicions. ganon pala ha. sabi ko na tama ako e. sabi ko na...!!

tapos biglang dumating ang resbak ng langit--at masaya ito. unti-unting nawala lahat ng negative feelings. para kong tinurukan ng insulin. bigla akong nagising. aba, ganito nga pala ang feeling ng buhay ka.

tama yung friend ko sa ym kagabi. minsan nakakainis nga yung sobrang maingat. para kang kuhol na forever nang nakatago sa loob ng bahay mo.

weehoo.

shoot na naman tomorrow. energy, energy! Day 6 of 17 days. mas masayang mag-shoot para sa isang Pinoy film. lahat kami nagkakaintindihan. mas masaya at bonded ang mga tao. and i feel more useful, being given extra floor-work (blocking talents, especially) to do. sana lang hindi kami abutin ng madaling araw bukas. i easily run out of energy these days.