let it soar

seasons are turning again.
i always get that feeling around this time of the year.

today i paid a really huge debt. argh. i'm poorer by several thousand pesos but at least it's a burden off my conscience. finally, no more guilt for anything.

just sad feelings. aww.

the other night i went back to a familiar place with the new bunch of co-workers. it was a place that i used to haunt, not so long ago, with the peeps from Da Kapamilya. i miss Da Kapamilya.

a nostalgia trip. sitting there, virtually seeing images from countless eating/drinking/videoke sessions of the past year appear and dissolve right before my eyes. someone's birthday. dinner breaks. post-Finals parties. cheers, jeers, boisterous laughter. sisig, pancit canton, mechado, half-empty bottles of san mig light. wobbling my way to the bathroom after three bottles. holding the microphone for someone as he sings his favorite song on videoke, him melting people's hearts in the process. just sitting right next to that person for the entire night, savoring what i thought would be the last time i'd ever be in a non-work-related gimik with him.

at that time i thought that i'd never get to share san mig lights with him again. not in the immediate future, at least. but i was wrong.

seasons turned, and soon i found myself clinking san mig bottles with him, this time in the middle of a dancing crowd. he was the same, but somehow i was not, and somehow my affection for him wasn't like before. back then i'd come to like this person against my will, but this time around it was a choice. i choose to let myself be taken again, because it's safer than treading the unfamiliar territory of new people and new loves. safer, because where this person is concerned, i've probably been through the worst. i can't get hurt any more than i already have.

more of a friend now than the One Who Got Away. yet still there's a part of me that doesn't want to let go of those silly ideals. it's happiness in little doses, sans the risks.

and so i let it soar.