time capsule item #001

drizzly, last-day-in-july morning. i wonder if the shoot would be packed up tonight.

i stumbled upon something among the files in my laptop. a bin that i haven't opened in quite a while. it contained scripts from the kilig show of a year ago--has it been that long?--the stuff that i used to churn out in great haste in the middle of the night, with the invaluable help of extra joss, coffee, and cigarettes. mehn, those days were toxic. buti buhay pa ko ngayon.

re-reading those scripts again, dare i say that the stuff we've come up with-- regardless of the genre (kilig) and the medium (tv! deadlines are a killer) that it was created for--weren't half so bad. syempre pag anak mo, kahit ano pang kinalabasan, anak mo pa rin. lalo na pag labor of love.

love, as in, the literal kind. aww.

kalokohan, but at that time it was real, and sometimes consuming. it broke me at times but at times it also saved me. love is therapy, especially when there are deadlines to meet. and re-reading those scripts again, bigla kong naalala lahat ng memories na-associate ko with that time. especially the happy ones, concerning that person. amidst the familiar faces that had populated that world that face will always be remembered in glowing, neon pink light.

hehe. neon pink pa talaga.

a year might seem fast but a year can change a lot of things. even our perception of other people. i've been through a series of recoveries and relapses with regards to my feelings for this person, but now he's no longer thought about as much as befure. still i'd want to preserve my memory of him one year ago, when he was still immaculate to me. when he was still the Ideal, the One Who Got Away in an Alternate Universe, and all that s---t. sayang naman yung memory kung pababayaan ko lang masapawan ng mas realistic at mas grounded ng perception ko sa kanya ngayon. after all, ilang tao nga lang ba sa mundong 'to ang mami-meet ko na makakapag-provide ng ganong ilusyon? ilang tao lang ba sa lifetime na to ang may ganon na ganong itsura, kilos, personality, boses, at sense of humor?

eh ganon talaga e. may kanya-kanya lang talaga tayong perceptions of beauty. at kahit na ilusyon lang ang nakita ko noon, ok na yon para baunin sa future. emergency kit kumbaga, in times of stress and distress. ibang tao na yung nakilala ko noon sa taong kilala ko ngayon, pero hindi naman sya nagbago. he still looks the same (if not better), sounds the same, still makes me laugh. safe pa rin ang ilusyon, dahil naka-time capsule na sya.

kahit ang realidad ngayon eh may boyfriend na sya, at mas pechay pa sya kesa sa kin. at ilang beses na rin nya kong pabirong sinasabihan ng "gaga!".

hihi. hay, gaga talaga.