post-valentine adrift

i got flowers from a co-worker yesterday. a post-valentine "biruan" gift. hahaha!

they were white, and they were three. they were in a box, all wrapped in a bow. how thoughtful. how goldilocks.

i'm anti-sweet, but, well. flowers could make any girl smile.

buti pa sya nakaalala.

***

i moved into a new boarding room today. my first night. and tonight is another live show. i'm a little bothered by stuff at work today. the smoking has become incessant again because of the cold, cold work premises (and the inviting balmy ambiance of the smoking area that was the Bahay Terrace). i'm in a turbulent ocean where living creatures are not allowed to make mistakes. everything is happening so fast you have to be around with pricked ears to be able to keep up. first paycheck is a full five days away. damn. i'm distracted sometimes. i fight it off because i'm there for the work, and i'm going to fight it off like mad tonight because I AM THERE FOR THE WORK. everythin and everyone else is arbitrary.

***

an uncle of mine got killed by hired assassins yesterday. it was shocking news to me. i only read about those kinds of things in the papers. i couldn't believe it could happen to a relative of mine.

***

i had such a bright lively talk with fg the other night. that dude. he's a safe place. a refuge, at times. a hero, every once in a while. and he doesn't even know all these! haha. truth may hurt, but not all the time. maybe there are cases when, if we knew the real deal, we'd be flattered as hell.

***

the terrace. chill. amidst smoke and ogling passersby who take pictures of the house every so often (the house has become a celebrity in its own right), it's become a refuge. a place away from everyday work concerns. a place to "chill", ika nga ni zanju. i didn't expect fg to come up and join us there. i didn't expect him to chat up. i didn't expect so much laughter coming from me at a time like that. and i'm sure he didn't expect me to say that he ought to be trying out for lead roles and not the offbeat ones, "if he wants to make it in showbusiness". hahahaha. the dude's funny. he looks serious, but he's actually funny. he actually wants to be a real artista, though he hasn't admitted it pointblank.
my, if i could only stay in the same safe place for the longest time. i would.

***

i hope we could be friends, despite myself. don't be misled. ganito lang talaga ako. if you knew the truth, you'd be flattered, but i'd rather that you'd never know. i'm too scared of the consequences.