rain child

another rainy day. i used to feel all glum and dreary when it rains but lately i find myself getting to enjoy it more. curl up, read a book, drink some mallowed coffee, smoke, watch the sky cry itself out right outside my window.

i miss someone. so damn much. but i've been through the worst bout, i suppose. right after Act Three. now i'm just looking forward to seeing him again. someday. maybe by then i'd have been missing someone else. haha. so much for can't-live-without-you, martyr-kind of love.

hmm. come to think of it, i've always been a rain-child. rainy days used to inspire me towards creation. two months ago a friend and i whimsically cavorted under a downpour. it was liberating. we were two little pinpoints in the universe, embracing these higher powers.

yesterday i took a random bath under the rain again. it was cold, so i just sat there. and started introspecting. haha. the rain does that to me, as well.

thanks to cine europa, i now find myself unusually fascinated by europe. last film i saw was "dog nail clipper"--bad title, beautiful movie. the memory of the winter landscape, that beautiful red dog, the amazingly consistent performance of the lead actor (Peter Franzen) as a brain-damaged war veteran--it brought me into an exotic world, for an hour-and-a-half. i was a sponge, taking in everything without judgment. right until the final shot.

and that was when i realized that i had stumbled upon a little gem. "Ang ganda." i enthused to my friend, who felt the same. i rarely say that at a film's closing credits. usually i wait until we've gone out of the theater. haha. maybe my lowered expectations (the cineeuropa catalogue doesn't do the film justice!)had a lot to do with it.

i'm thinking of leaving. for a while. and buying myself a cheap but dependable digicam, for the moment. travails into the relatively exotic can't go without documentation. pictures are proof that you were alive, at a particular time and place. and for a pseudoexistence like mine, it serves to remind me that hey, maybe i really am alive.