tipsy-turvy (oh, how so very...)

i'm sick of babbling.
sick of being up in the dead hours of the night.
sick of the stench of cigarette smoke.
sick of bein sick of things.
dang, i'm babbling again.

hey! what's wrong with me.

partied under the stars last saturday, with some of the dearest people i've ever met in this lifetime. My Ultimate Version of the TwentySomething Shindig. Small group we were, nearly everyone knew each other, but the intimate-gathering feel was somethin i'd take over any other grand (impersonal) celebration. There WAS a little naughtiness on the side, but all in all, good clean fun. parties are fun because of friends. and that night, I realized--really, truly realized--how much I'd missed in the past several months. how much love I'd gained and given in the past three years.

transients. i'm always reminded of what we are to one another's lives, each time something ends, each time something begins. not the destination but the journey, so they say. and that the best thing about the journey is the people you meet along the way.

haha. cliches don't become cliches for nothin'.

not being an alcohol type of person (used to hate the bile-bitter taste), i surprise myself sometimes. got tipsy last saturday, big time (wasted would be, well, somewhat closer to truth), and i liked it. i was happy. unwaveringly, untaintedly happy, for the first time since who knows when. alcoholics anonymous, you listenin? hahaha!

being in your own mind, but not quite. like you're seeing the world from the perspective of a person who's you and not you at the same time. and from that feeling of being detached-yet-undetached all the emotional knots inside you untangle by themselves, all the woes of the limbo-esque present that you mull over on a sober day disappear, down down the bowels of uncherished memory. for the moment, life's one big party. and you're in it with the best dang people in the whole wide world.

and you forget. that someone was not there that night. and that, four hours and five san mig bottles ago, you were wishing that he were. you're consumed by the Here and Now. and you're havin the time of your life. memories are nothing but distant mirages of the past.

man, was that a party.

by 4 am someone called for a last dance marathon. five boys and two of us girls dancing the rest of the night away. someone dared the boys to go topless (hahaha! was it me?) and they gamely stripped off (weehee! if i were cold sober i would've felt embarrassed for the more "awkward" strippers in the lot!). tessa, the only other lady in the group, stripped down to her tank top but i kept my mini-tee on--and, tipsy or not tipsy, no amount of prodding could ever make me take it off. haha! there is a limit to all "dis-inhibition", after all. thank god we were all friends, and everyone else was drunk. well, except ted, the only (party-pooping!) sober soul in that group. the next time there's beer around i'm going to undertake the mission of Getting Ted Drunk--and make sure it's documented! hehe, peace Ted!

party officially ended at 7 am. the stars were gone, the sun was waking up, and i was just too dang close to bein totally pooped. we trooped to the nearby McDo for breakfast. one simmering cup of coffee and i was back to my senses...badly in need of sleep. but, hwell, chatting with friends til the late morning was much more interesting to do. i decided that sleep could wait.

i was smiling for nearly ten hours straight. now that's a party for me.

beats out the eviction crowd brouhaha outside the PBB house any old time.