a few minutes ago.
i got pissed. because of something that someone said. to add to the stuff that he has said, two nights ago. what i do or don't do is MY business. people can judge my actions whichever way they want, i don't friggin care. but i don't deny that it annoys me sometimes.
and of all people na magsasabi ng mga ganung bagay, sila pa.
two nights ago.
during a game of spin the bottle, someone tossed out a question to Borakid. "anong nagustuhan mo kay saffron, considering na si saffron ay...si saffron?"
guised as a joke, like most of his pang-ookrays are. but i know this person too well to know that all of his jokes are half-meant.
i know i should've taken it in stride, and at the moment i did. words are cheap, anyway. cheap but powerful. because even the most carelessly, thoughtlessly tossed out words can hurt people's feelings. if he weren't such a favorite person, i wouldn't have given a friggin SHIT. but sorry, i'm not stupid enough to not be able to read what's behind the words. you're not transparent, but your jokes reveal a lot more of what you think than you would probably know. that's the first thing that anyone should know about you.
complete your sentence, pretend i wasn't there. what did you actually mean to say? hey dude, what's with you, what did you ever see in HER? isn't it bad enough that you know that i saw something in YOU before, and that you didn't--and do NOT--give a shit? i know it's not your fault. it's not your fault, either, that i'm hurt about the fact that you think it's such a BIG surprise that people would see something in someone like me.
not your fault, pero sana hindi ko na lang na-gets kung ano ang gusto mong sabihin. sana hindi ko na lang narinig kung anong sinabi mo.
in the middle of it all he told me, ano ka ba saffron, bakit ayaw mo? . now i'm realizing that it actually means "bakit ka nagpapakipot", in sugar coating. now that's the reason why no matter how much i wanted to, how i SO BADLY WANTED to make exceptions, i couldn't fully trust him. because he's part of the whole showblitzy world that we're all in. he belongs there. he doesn't tell you what he really wants to say. he's a master at euphemisms. i know people like that, and it's heartbreaking to discover that there's another one to add to the list.
if you think he's such a catch, then why don't YOU take him. oh, i forgot, you're too good for anybody. given the way that you see the guy, if you think that that's all i'll ever amount to, that no one else more fitting might come my way, then you can just step out, get your ass out of here, and go to hell. i don't need your condescension. i don't need your sarcasm.
friends don't do that. my friends do not. so that must mean that i had thought wrongly about you all along.
for the record, sister, Borakid is not so bad. it was just that he's not you. how stupid of me. to even take that against him. and how stupid of me, too, to think that no one could ever measure up to someone like you.
S-T-U-P-I-D in gay bold script.
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