it's O-VAH!

I'M SOOO GLAD IT'S OVER.

Nonetheless, I'm gonna miss a few things about life in the war zone. A few things, a few people.

Checklist for Big ByeBye Wishes:

1. a chance to sing the theme song on videoke with the beeyatchy Frog Princess. NEGATIVE. THE VIDEOKE DIDN'T HAVE THE NEW THEME SONG JUST YET. BUT WE DID SING A FEW BARS TOGETHER, ON IMPULSE, BEFORE THE BIG BYEBYE SHOW BEGAN. GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. :-)

2. drinks, videoke, and fun times with the co-workers after D Big Culmination. CHECK. WE WEREN'T COMPLETE BUT THAT DIDN'T KEEP THE ATTENDEES FROM TRYIN TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. ATE, DRANK, TRIED TO BE MERRY. AND MAKE MERRIMENT WE DID.

3. a happy glowing moment to remember with the former Favorite Person.
WELL. NOT QUITE, BUT THE OPPOSITE EQUIVALENT OF THAT. IT WAS A MOMENT TO REMEMBER WITH THE FORMER FAVE PERSON INDEED. A CLOSURE, OF SOME SORT. BUT IT WAS FAR FROM WHAT I'D EXPECTED. MAGALING TALAGA ANG DIYOS.

4. a group picture with everyone.
CHECK! AHLAVTHIS!

5. a picture with the Finalists.TO BE ACCOMPLISHED ON WEDNESDAY, THE BIG CONNIVERS DINNER.

6. a solo picture with the Frog Princess.
DANG. I DIDN'T GET A SOLO PICTURE. EVERYONE WAS JUST TOO WILLING TO JUMP INTO THE FRAME. I ALSO DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS TO MAKE PA-SIMPLE AND SUGGEST THAT SOMEONE TAKE OUR SOLO PICTURE.

BUT WAIT...

WE DID HAVE A SOLO PIC TOGETHER. ON SOMEONE ELSE'S CAMERA. AWW. THAT WAS HARDLY THE MOMENT TO HAVE THAT KODAK MOMENT (DAHIL NAIINIS AKO SA KANYA NUNG MGA SANDALING YON), BUT AT LEAST.

SO YES, WISH GRANTED. POSITIVE.

7. a light, ngarag-proof, stress-free day tomorrow.
ASA PA KO. HANGGANG SA ENDING, HUMAHABOL PA RIN ANG MGA KAEKLAVUHAN. PUTCHA TALAGA. BUT ALL'S WELL THAT END'S WELL SO OKAY NA RIN.

8. a happy glowing moment to remember with the Frog Princess.
THE WHOLE NIGHT WAS A MOMENT TO REMEMBER WITH FG. JUST SITTING NEXT TO HIM. JUST HEARING HIM SING. JUST TALKING WITH HIM. JUST HIM BEING THERE. KAHIT NA BITCHY PA RIN SYA AT TIMES. KAHIT NA INOKRAY NYA ANG BEAUTY KOH KAGABI. TSE.

Potang to. Bakit ba may mga taong pinapanganak na katulad mo. Minamahal ng lahat! Pati mga lalakeng may apat na panganay na. pati mga mature na bading na supposedly stable na ang domestic life. pati mga babaeng may asawa't anak na. mga matatalinong tao, mga edukado, mapa-babae o mapa-lalake. pati ata yung mamang tumatambay sa luneta na nakakita sa yo kagabi, gusto kang i-book. aba aba. iba na talaga ang nagpapa-derma. huma-heartthrob na masyado.

Dapat sa mga katulad mo hindi na nagiging bitchy. the world has been very good to you. at least man lang tapatan mo ng compassion. at kabaitan, hindi lang sa mga "fans" mo, kundi sa lahat ng tao in general. hindi kasi bagay sa itsura kung magiging bitch ka sa loob. payong kaibigan lang. luv pa rin naman kita kahit bitchy ka. tapos ako ang sasabihan mo ng bitchy, eh mas bitchy ka pa sa kin. sundin ko kaya ang request mo at hagisan kita ng asido sa mukha? para matapos na rin ang "kalbaryo" mo sa mga fans mo, at para matauhan ka na rin?

Bumibitter-bitteran ang lola, ano? EH KASI NAMAN THE WORLD IS UNFAIR. we all deserve to love someone who will appreciate us. sila, ako, yung mama sa luneta. pero sa kabila ng lahat ng pambi-bitch ko dito, babatiin pa rin kita sa birthday mo. kahit hindi ka na kasama sa ginagalawan kong mundo by that time. kahit parte ka na naman uli ng (much-overrated, much-sentimentalized) past ko.

Bilog lang naman ang mundo, sister. magkakabungguan pa rin tayo one of these days. di ko lang alam kung magkakatrabaho pa tayo. siguro in time makakalimutan din kita, siguro next time magkita tayo wala na naman akong pakialam. just like before. pero chill lang ako dito. kasi ang layo na ng nilakbay ng emotional arc ko where my feelings for you are concerned. it's not the same. and from there, i'm sure saying byebye-for-now will bring me no pain. no dreary missin-you aftermaths. just happy
memories. kahit papano, naging friends din naman tayo.

Kahit bitchy ka. hmpf.

Anyway. so much to tell about the Last Day. but that will have to come later. there's a beach outing tomorrow and i have to be up early. i'm not sure if i'll enjoy the company, but i'm sure as hell excited about being near the sea again. even bought a digicam for the occasion. ahlavthis!

It cost me a bundle but i must say it's a good investment. i hope so. because for every centavo that went into that little gadget were days, nights, hours of work at the Control Room and in the Piecing-Together-Room. surviving those idiot boards and daily schedules. sitting through those overpopulated meetings, enduring fire and ice from warriors-in-the-warzone. etcetera, etcetera. so i'm lookin forward to lots of soul-feeding quality time with this beeyatchy little gadget, in exchange for the money i shelled out.

Sunset on the beach. shadows in the sand. glittering waters, nipa palms, shiny happy faces, and so much more.

Hay. i told a superior today about my resignation. i'm glad about the outcome of things. the temptation for the income i'll be giving up surged up a little at some point, but NO. just remember. just re-read the past 20 entries from this blog and you'll know that you made the right move, bluey blue.

One moment that i'll take with me after this experience was a moment that happened last night. before he left, a boss gave me these parting words: Don't let anybody break you. coming from him, whom i respect a little more than the immediates, it was a big comfort. the best words of encouragement that i'd ever had in the past few weeks. of course, he was a bit soused on san mig light when he said it, and for all i know he was actually saying those words to himself, but thank you sir. i think i will love you a little more for that.

Time for bed.