ang iniiiit. hoo!
i guess that Sun-and-Sea Dream Vacation will have to wait til the next summer. okay lang. all in the name of a new adventure. even the prospect of spending my birthday away from home somekinda excites me.
sana, sana nga.
my only cause of rue about working this summer is that tending to the Personal Project might have to wait. really sad. because that's what's truly important, apart from the more mundane concerns of this daily (pseudo)existence. beyond the present, the immediate future, the next meal or the next paycheck. that's what should really matter, and that's what i've been setting aside for years now.
too afraid. too afraid.
kaya nga gusto kong pumunta ng beach. para ma-"inspire", kuno. to clear the mind of cobwebs and white noise, of toxins from the immediate past, to redirect and refocus. kaso hindi pa yata panahon. and in a way thankful ako. the comfort-seeking segurista in me is somekinda relieved. that there's a convenient reason for me to procrastinate again, to set aside the Labor of Love for later.
but don't get me wrong, Lord. if there would be a really valid excuse to set aside the Personal Project it would be this. it's an answered prayer. speedy reply, thanks to you. praise, praise you.
holy week na pala. haha. two nights ago i attended a fellowship session with Born Again Christians. everyone except the two "counsellors" was Catholic so it was cool. no "conversion" agendas. i said yes to it because i haven't been "spiritually" active in the past several years. i hardly go to mass these days (thank work, thank exhastion, thank sheer laziness), and my prayers aren't exactly regular and "in-depth", if you know what i mean. so i've been feeling the need for some soul food for quite some time now. some enlightenment, maybe. maybe with a little of that the cobwebs would clear and the white noise would ease up, and i'd be a clean slate again. haha. good luck.
i really admire the zealousness of these two counsellors. one was my peer/co-worker before and she's one of the nicest people i've come across in recent life. but some ideologies that they espouse didn't exactly...um...sit well with me. like homosexuality being a sin (a "sickness", they regretfully admit). and women having to be "submissive" to their husbands (i almost couldn't believe my ears when i heard it...i thought new interpretations of the Scriptures would be a lot more open-minded than that). i know these are already familiar issues raised against the Born-Again faith but to hear it from people who strike me as intelligent and open-minded somehow unsettles me. i personally believe that God is a lot more liberal--and accepting--than that. and that the Bible, in all its sacredness, was still translated and interpreted by man. which lends itself to subjectivity. but that's just me.
hay holy week. the bus stations, piers, and resorts outtatown will be packed for the next several days so i'll be staying home. working. praying for good things and good outcomes. and happy sunny friendly adventures in the great outdoors. been gaining a little "vacation" weight, been back to the "vampiric" ways, but i'm a lot happier. not absolutely happy, not absolutely fulfilled just yet, but happy.
happy. i lurve that word!
well, well. borakid's still at it, but i'll bet my last paycheck that he'd be over it by the end of the summer. i'm gullible in a lot of ways except in these kinds of things. i know these kinds of guys. they will court the girl like there's no tomorrow but trust me, they eventually get over their little schoolboy crushes almost as fast as they developed them. and, basing it from previous experience, they can tell really corny jokes. hah.
funny movie-ish dialogue on a slow afternoon:
him: anong birthday mo?
me: (says the date)
him: kita mo, ako (tells his birthday date). pareho tayong taurus!
me: a ok. eh may tatalo pa ba sa (coincidence ng) dalawang taong pareho ng birthday? si ___ kabirthday ko.
him: (thinks for a moment) oo nga talo ko don a! pareho kayo ng year?
me: hindi. 1980 ako.
him: o ako din 1980. tayo pareho ng year!
hay, this guy's too funny. he turns me into a full-fledged beeyatch. and, speaking of beeyatch, i'm reminded of fg, who's probably gonna be celebrating verrrry soon.
i turned a year old, and you were being born. it used to be a happy-sad coincidence, but now it's just plain amusing. i laugh about it alone, whenever i remember. i used to laugh about it, even in your company before. won't be around to greet you. i wonder if you'd remember to greet me. maybe not.
hay, mishu, nonetheless. with fondness, not with sadness. no one can make me laugh the way you
can. pure glee. HAHAHA.
everytime he cracks a joke in that trademark quiet, sarcastic fashion. everytime he laughs at something (or someone! bad talaga), i find myself cracking up. he endears himself to me a little more, each time he makes me laugh.
yea, yea. still stuck on hopeless cases. whatever. for all i know i'm just too afraid to leave a safe place. maybe i'm psycho case 101. maybe i'm in lurve with ideals too much. maybe i lurve him to much. maybe "he" is no longer a person, but just an image. or maybe i'm just lesbo, and they were right. hah.
nothing compares, still. no one probably ever will, which settles just fine with me. for the time being.
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