and so it's done (well...almost)

happenings of yesterday.

8am. i woke up in the morning in someone else's couch, for the Nth time since we'd begun editing. i had spent the night at our editor's house, having finished the last editing session at 3 am. i had sworn to myself that it was going to be my last time to wake up there. i was tired. i wanted to finish the film.

8:30am. i took a walk to the nearby shopping center for breakfast. in fairness to the area, it was the best place for a walk in the morning. i was surrounded by trees and the silence was calming. but i was somekinda turbulent inside. bothered by so many things. i was worried about that day. i was worried that the music scoring wouldn't deliver the requirements of the film. i was despising myself for countless things. worse comes to worst, alam kong self-preservation pa rin ang mangingibabaw. it's natural, but i'm hating myself for it. all in all, i just wanted the film to come out truly good. no less.

9:30am. the musical director said he'd be coming over to the editor's house at 8. it was almost 10 and neither editor nor musical director was in sight. people have to sleep, too, bluey. not everyone is as "adik" as you. i was worried about the deadline that afternoon--we had to submit a DVD copy to the CCP at 5PM that afternoon and the film still wasn't passable for me. the sound was bad in some parts and there were parts that badly needed the RIGHT music. much work still, and the key persons for the work were still asleep. i didn't want to wait anymore. i wanted to go home and change into fresh clothes. so i went home, even if it wasn't the smartest thing to do.

11:30am. i came back, freshly changed and bathed but still worrying and bothered. the postprod finishing lasted til 7 pm, after much nitpicking, debating, agonizing, and tensions over the deadline looming ahead. finally, we left the editor's house at 7pm--deadline was extended, after all. the film's writer, dennis, was ecstatic, but i was only relieved. it had been a laborious birthing, and i felt bad that i'd come to hate some things about myself while going through the process.

at least the work was good enough for me. it wasn't in perfect shape (not yet, but it will be), but i was somewhat happy. i've given birth to my second short. the first one was a blessing in my life; i pray that this one will be, too.

9pm. we arrived at CCP, immediately submitted the DVD copy, and went straight to the technical dress rehearsal for the play from which our short film was adapted. it was going to have its rerun on January 20, and the two lead actors, Lou and Paulo, had graciously lent their time and talent by starring in our short film as well. the shoot had been three gruelling days compressed into one long, long day; i knew that it had been an exhausting experience for them. after the rehearsals we had dinner together while watching the film on my laptop. the resto was open-air and it was noisy; despite that (and the fact that the audio of the film was still half-baked), they loved the film. it was pleasant news. after those three shooting days, the best thank-you gifts that i could give our actors was a good film. i'm glad they felt that it was good enough.

lou was so cool. i grew up watching him on TV as Mr. Truman, the stingy old bachelor character from that old sitcom, "UFO". i was blown away by his performance in our film. a closeup on his face alone--beautiful, emotive, rich in character--already tells half the story. but the most awe-inspiring thing about lou is that despite his experience and his brilliance, he was so down-to-earth in person, refined even. it was truly an honor to have worked with him. that sounds like a used-up line from a press release--hehe--but there's no more fitting way to describe it.

paulo, the actor who played the "louder" gay of the two gay characters in the film, was something else. energy on a high, on- and offscreen--he seemed to be in-character all the time, cackling and cracking jokes all over the place. surprising thing is that this guy, who had played the squealing gay GG so convincingly, is actually, well, straight. or so he says. haha! nonetheless, it's a fresh change to see a straight guy acting gay, and not the other way around. heehaw. i'm sure, bluey.

11pm. jp, dennis, and i went to the qc watering hole Eskinita for a few drinks. coming from the open-air eatery outside CCP, this place felt a bit too flashy for me. i was in a t-shirt and sneakers; everywhere i looked everyone looked like they had just stepped out of a fashion spread. fresh and made up, dressed to be seen at 11pm. haha. i've been holed up in work for too long, this has become an alien world to me.

but i was too adrift to feel out of place. too lost in the memory of the evening. the day had been long and my emotions had swung like a pendulum between opposite extremes, but i was smiling. life's like this. you just have to make your own happiness, wherever it is, whatever it is. sigh. i'm such a sucker for romantic illusions.

romantic illusions? did i say that? now wonder where'd that come from.