dispersed thoughts

1 day to go. and i only have until today to finish what i need to get approved by december 1.

thing is, everything else is easier to do. everything else i find time to do. i'm the problem. and i know i will not stop being mentally dispersed until i've pulled out this gigantic thorn off my side.

it's a thorn, but it's also one of the most important things-to-do in my life right now.

so today. i will finish it today. i have talked with the penguin about it and he's helped me a lot. i only need to get it down in writing. and not friggin pathetically procrastinate.

* * *

yesterday, we were at a grocery store. and a song came in through the speakers. i like this song because i'm reminded of this one time when the person i was with had sung this on videoke, one year ago. and at that time, nagfi-feeling ako na para sa kin yon.

of course i knew that i could've been imagining. didn't he sing "sana dalawa ang puso ko" at another time, and didn't he say that it was just one of those songs that he liked, for no other reason but that he could sing along with it well? so i knew. that this song, about love and waiting and uncertainty--absolutely jologs and drowned out by its contemporaries during that time--could be special only to me. and not to the person who was the reason why the song was special to me.

"gusto ko tong song na to." i told him, nonetheless. it was irony. because i was sure he wouldn't be able to guess why.

he chuckled. paused. "oo, maganda yan."

i sensed that his reaction was loaded with meaning. bigla akong nag-jealous jowa mode, and snapped back--sweetly, jokingly--"bakit, kanino mo dine-dedicate yang kantang yan, ha?"

"sa yo!" he replied laughingly.

that made me laugh, too. outwardly. inwardly, kinilig ako. haha. yung klase ng kilig na nararamdaman ng isang schoolgirl nung ma-discover nyang crush din pala sya ng crush nya. yung klase ng kilig na makaka-distract sa yo (momentarily), at sasarilinin mo dahil nakakahiyang malaman ng taong kinauukulan na ganon ka ka-corny at ganon kadaling magpadala sa musheries such as a love song.

hindi pala ko nagfi-feeling nung gabing yon. haha. pessimism sometimes yields to pleasant surprises.